Proof that you should never take your problems seriously

"It's never really a matter of choice. So if your screwed now, you're destined to be screwed for the rest of your life"

- this is how I understood what life is really all about, not really a comforting thought, huh? I know...

If you thought that you are here right now, empowered or in control of your life, and existing in a reality by your own accord or merits, then folks, I'd have to urge you to think again.

I've always wondered how people often look back later their lives thinking that they could've changed their lives' outcome if they could have done things differently - if they could've made a different choice.

I believe that this is the main reason why people are unhappy and stressed; that they grow old bitter at an "opportunity lost" or at least the prospect of what could have been a better life... if only...

Unfortunately, I have to concede, that this is how I also used to think, thus explain my fondness of leading a stress-laiden, circumstancially-dependent, adrenaline-driven life..

And, this is what I'm trying to train myself out-of right now (sadly, with mixed results)...

Why the sudden existential quips from yours truly?

Well, with everything going-on right now - with my job, life, family, kids; I just feel that everything is slipping out of control, in short is heading for a road to nowhere!

I feel so lost... so unsure... always in panic-mode with life's every twists and turns...

Not really a good thing when your the sole-provider of a young family...

I feel that all my living seconds are spent with making or taking split-second decisions, that I would either later regret or forget(?) why I made it in the first place.

This month, has been more of the same, and for some reason, I always find myself reflecting on the same questions everytime (i.e. what is the point of this life? why is everything going the way they are? etc), going halfway, then not really bothering to finish the thought process.

This is the cycle that is my life's story:

Problem comes in the picture -> Think of Solution -> Implement Solution -> Evaluate Results -> Results unpleasant/pleasant? -> Question "what if" scenarios -> reflect on "what if" results/scenarios -> then, another Problem comes into view, repeat step 1...

and this is the summary: Same old shit, different day!

Looking forward this time around though, I chose to take another path.

Somehow, I found myself not rationalizing with "what if" scenarios, but rather trying to figure out if theology holds some explanation to this perpetual life mystery.

Digging deep to my collection/knowledge of theology and philosophy (there's really not much left in there, so it was a quick half-a-day trip to psychedelic dooland) I came out with this understanding...

If you really understand the basic theological rationale of your very existence it should be this:

"That God has created man from his own image/likeness; that HE has ultimately, something planned for you altogether even before your parents were born..."

Western theology's twist in this concept, is the notion that God has given man, the right to make his own choice on things. And that those choice (with predetermined outcome) would essentially be your accountability and would eventually spell your life story.

I believe that western theology's view on this concept are the primary reasons why people today are much inclined to be lethargic, psychotic, and essentially living stressed lives - the fact that they have a "say" on their lives will obviously throw people off whenever things "magically" don't go the way that they plan it to go...

But let's take time to analyze this idea.

Immediately you'll run into a couple of inherent flaws, namely:

First point is, that even though your basically empowered to make your own decisions, you are still eventually choosing something that was, in essence,
already chosen for you (with the argument that God would have known what option
you'll choose in the end regardless). So, with that, the argument that you are the captain of your life goes down for the count.

Second point is, if we argue that you are indeed empowered to make your own choices, and basically in control of your life's destiny by choosing to take a different path than what God has laid for you - you are still, effectively making a decision over already pre-determined options to begin with, due to the argument that God already know the outcome for "each choice". This would therefore contradict the notion that your choices will essentially spell any difference in your life.

So, if we agree that all the options that we will encounter in our lifetime, have already been "previewed" by God (meaning that the outcomes of those options are already known), and that even act itselt of "making a choice" is already known (due to the argument that God is Omnipresent and Omnipotent) then, the logical derivation of this argument would be the following:

1. That your life is composed of pre-determined choices, all of which have their specific outcomes already identified.

2. That even the "act" itself of making a decision over these options and their corresponding implications in your life have also been determined, long before you were even born (since God already knows what your life's end/story will be).

3. That ultimately, you don't have any control of what your life would end with (circumstances) and that the choices that you've made or the one's you'll be making in the future already have a "pre-determined" result, and all the "impacts" of those decisions are already foretold or mapped.

Kinda makes your skin shrivel doesn't it?

As a consolation though - we know that it's human nature to second guess ourselves and our decisions.

It's the primary reason why we, as a species, choose to exist at a much higher level of consciousness.

It is the same reason why we're even talking about this topic, at this very minute.

I mean, this could probably explain why people, at the dawn of their life is still bitter with the prospects of a different reality over the thought that their lives could've been different if only they've made a different decision - Its in our nature to question their fate in the entire fabric of life, as designed by God.

The moral of the story is, whatever God decides for you in your life's circumstances, is already a pre-determined path, something that "He" has known long before you were even born.

So there's really no value at this point to not trust HIM.

Afterall, He knows your life's story, inside, and out.

That all the pains, worries, and stress that you're experiencing right now, are all part of God's "grand design" of things.

So to be stressed or be worried about every little quirk or problems is essentially moot and frankly, stupid.

And that ultimately, we are all in this for the ride!

We just need to trust Him and His will for the simple fact that He would know what's best for you and me, and everything else that's happening right this very minute, are just details...

Glory to God's name forever!

And they say that logic and religion don't mix... =)

Padre de Pamilya

The definition of a "Padre de Pamilya" in Filipino society has been hard-wired to us through years and years of "brain-culturing" with school and through interaction with family, and friends.

No one I know right now will ever try to contest what is essentially the essence of what a "Padre de Pamilya" is. At least not from those who are within my circle of friends anyway.

Today though, I was able to do some thinking. Something that is becoming a scarce commodity nowadays with all the year-end hubbub flying around like confetti.

And really what I found out, is that there is no god-damn way can you ever be in total control of what will happen in your life and your loved one's lives.

I mean, for example - you could bring up your children the best way you know how; send them to the best schools money can afford. But in the end, its ultimately their decision to make on what they'll make out of their lives. You just need to make sure you've "armed" them with the right tools by ensuring that their morals, and values are checked.

I always look back at that time when my mom passed-away, back when we are just trying to ask the really hard questions about life - college days.

I always have these questions that I never really got a clear answer on. I have to basically go through a process of elimination or trial-and-error for any answers.

And because of this; I always have this deep insecurity inside of me. Something which actually have had a positive effect, but mostly I reckon, have some really negative ones too

I realized that I am never, at any point in my life (not now, not ever!) - can I ever measure up to the demands of being the "padre de pamilya" as what the standard connotation would ever mean.

I feel that whatever I do, or try to do, all in the name of providing better security to my family, is never going to be good enough.

This essentially leads to stress - and I mean "Stress" with a capital "S".

I stress everyday, every second if I have too, just to figure out, what's the next step? What else do I need to do to secure my family's well being. I stress about the really trivial things along with the really stressful stuff - like what will my children be like in 20 years? Will they be okay?

I stress even to the point of foregoing anything related to myself (health, wants, and personal comfort) - as such was the expectation for a "padre de pamilya" in the society I was brought up from.

But these past few days, I often find myself thinking if this is the right way to go.

If what I'm doing is actually the best way... by eliminating my needs/myself in the equation, am I jeopardizing their future too?

I mean, I know that without even flinching, I'll willingly lay my life in exchange for anyone's in my family - but am I being selfish at not really taking care of myself just to fit the "bill" in the process?

If for example, I contract a life-threatening disease and die prematurely at this very moment; wouldn't that mean that they would be left to fend for themselves, basically struggling like we did when mom left us?

I know that this is a profound subject and I bet a lot of you right now might even argue with what I'll be saying - but I just realized that by not ensuring that I'm taking cared for, I'm actually putting my own family at risk.

And by being so, I am essentially no different that the dad who drinks all day and beats up his own wife and kids just for fun, and then roll over to sleep - as what is typical with the "dysfunctional" sorts that you read everyday on the tabloids.

I need to seriously look at helping myself more, so as to better ensure that I'd be in for "the long haul" for my family.

As I type this, I think about my youngest, who'll just be turning 2 YO this January next year and feel that I'd really need to take of myself since it'll be a while.

My eldest is already there halfway (at least from my perspective), so I don't worry about her at this point. She's matured so well for her age that I bet my life that she'll be making waves on her own in no time at all.

I love both my kids so much, that I can't really think falling short of my "end of the deal" and leaving them to fend for themselves.

I really need to get back on shape, or otherwise stop pretending that with what I'm doing now, I'm actually fulfilling what being a "padre de pamilya" is.

US State Secretary to visit Manila

US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said last Friday (Nov. 7) that she will travel to the Philippines next week to "show solidarity" with the storm-battered nation, just after her visits to Singapore and Berlin.

The US State Secretary futher announced she will join President Barack Obama during his visit to China from November 15-18, her second trip as chief diplomat to the country the Obama administration recognizes as a key global player.

In a flurry of travel announcements this week, Clinton and her aides announced her tour of Europe and Asia, one that comes on top of a tour of Pakistan and the Middle East that only ended on Wednesday.

"I'll be going to the Philippines, to show solidarity with our friends in the Philippines who have been battered by typhoons and have just suffered so much over the last weeks," Clinton said in a speech in Washington.

Typhoon Santi (international name Mirinae) swept over the main island Luzon on Saturday, dumping heavy rain and bringing strong winds just weeks after Tropical Storm Ondoy (Ketsana) and Typhoon (Pepeng) Parma left about 1,100 dead and tens of thousands homeless.

Amidst all this, you can't help but wonder, if this is the "recon team" moving for a closer look as the timing of the visits are uncanny - after all, we only have a couple of months left for the 2010 elections, and one can't help but wonder why the US is taking extra measures to "look" into the nation's status this time around.

Of course the fact that the "double-whammy" of Ondoy-Peping just happened to be relevant doesn't really show what the "clear picture" was.

Can't get to see what the 2010 election blockbuster will look like. Already the "actors" and "actresses" are busy as hell filling the air with their "charm" and "wit"... somethings never really changes...

Pacquiao-Cotto tale of the tape

Miguel Cotto Pro Stats

Name: Miguel Angel Cotto
Nickname: "Junito"
Birthday: October 29, 1980
Birthplace: Caguas, Puerto Rico

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Miguel Cotto Professional Career Statistics:

2009
Jun 13 Joshua Clottey WBO Welterweight T W SD 12
Feb 21 Michael Jennings Vacant WBO Welter T W TKO 5

2008
Jul 26 Antonio Margarito WBA Welterweight T L TKO 11
Apr 12 Alfonso Gomez WBA Welterweight T W RTD 5

2007
Nov 10 Shane Mosley WBA Welterweight T W UD 12
Jun 9 Zab Judah WBA Welterweight T W TKO 11
Mar 3 Oklay Urkal WBA Welterweight T W TKO 11

2006
Dec 2 Carlos Quintana Vacant WBA Welter T W
Jun 10 Paul Malignaggi WBO L Welter Title W UD 12
Mar 4 Gianluca Branco WBO L Welter Title W TKO 6

2005
Sep 24 Ricardo Torres WBO L Welterweight T W KO 7
Jun 11 Mohamad Abdulaev WBO L Welterweight T W TKO 9
Feb 26 DeMarcus Corley WBO L Welterweight T W TKO 5

2004
Dec 11 Randall Bailey WBO L Welterweight T W TKO 6
Sept 11 Kelson Pinto Vacant WBO LW Title W TKO 6
May 8 Lovemore N'Dou WBC Intn'l LWelter T IBF LWelter T Eliminaor W UD 12
Feb 28 Victoriano Sosa WBC Int'l L Welter T W TKO 4

2003
Dec 6 Carlos Maussa WBC Int'l L Welter T W TKO 8
Sept 13 Demetrio Ceballos WBC Int'l L Welter T W TKO 7
June 28 Rocky Martinez WBC Int'l L Welter T Vac WBO NABO LWelt T W KO 2
Apr 19 Joel Perez W KO 4
Feb 1 Cesar Bazan Vac WBC Int'l LWelt T W TKO 11

2002
Nov 22 Ubaldo Hernandez W KO 7
Sept 14 John Brown W UD 10
July 30 Carlos Ramirez W KO 3
June 22 Justin Juuko W TKO 5
May 3 Juan Angel Macias W TKO 7
Mar 1 Sammy Sparkman W TKO 2
Jan 11 Joshua Smith W TKO 2

2001
July 28 Arturo Rodriguez W KO 2
July 1 Rudolfo Lunsford W TKO 4
May 20 Martin Ramirez W UD 4
Apr 28 Waklimi Young W UD 4
Mar 30 Jacob Godinez W TKO 2
Feb 23 Jason Doucent W TKO 1

Manny Pacquiao Pro Stats

Name: Manny Pacquiao
Nickname: "Pac-Man"
Birthday: December 12, 1978
Birthplace: General Santos City, Philippines

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Manny Pacquiao Professional Career Record:

2009
May 2 Ricky Hatton IBO Light Welterweight Title W KO 2

2008
Dec 6 Oscar De La Hoya W TKO 8
Jun 28 David Diaz WBC Lightweight Title W TKO 9
Mar 15 Juan Manuel Marquez WBC Super F Title W SD 12

2007
Oct 6 Marco Antonio Barrera WBC Int'l Super F Title W UD 12
Apr 14 Jorge Solis WBC Int'l Super F Title W KO 8

2006
Nov 18 Erik Morales WBC Int'l Super F Title W KO 3
Jul 2 Oscar Larios WBC Int'l Super F Title W UD 12
Jan 21 Erik Morales WBC Int'l Super F Title W TKO 10

2005
Sep 10 Hector Velazquez Vacant WBC Int'l Super Featherweight Title W TKO 6
Mar 19 Erik Morales Vacant WBC Int'l Vacant IBA Super Featherweight Titles L UD 12

2004
Dec 11 Fahsan Por Thawatchai IBF Featherweight Eliminator W TKO 4
May 8 Juan Manuel Marquez WBA/IBF FW Title D DC 12

2003
Nov 16 Marco Antonio Barrera W TKO 11
July 26 Emmanuel Lucero IBF Super Bantam Title W TKO 3
Mar 15 Serikzhan Yeshmangbetov W TKO 5

2002
Oct 26 Fahprakorb Rakkiatgym IBF Super Bantam Title W KO 1
June 8 Jorge Eliecer Julio IBF Super Bantam Title W TKO 2

2001
Nov 10 Agapito Sanchez WBO/IBF Super Bantam Title D TD 6
June 23 Lehlohonolo Ledwaba IBF Super Bantam Title W TKO 6
Apr 28 Wethya Sakmuangklang WBC Int'l Super Bantam Title W TKO 6
Feb 24 Tetsutora Senrima WBC Int'l Super Bantam Title W TKO 5

2000
Oct 14 Nedal Hussein WBC Int'l Super Bantam Title W TKO 10
June 28 Seung-Kon Chae WBC Int'l Super Bantam Title W TKO 1
Mar 4 Arnel Barotillo WBC Int'l Super Bantam Title W KO 4

1999
Dec 18 Reynante Jamili WBC Int'l Super Bantam Title W TKO 2
Sept 17 Medgoen Singsurat WBC Flyweight Title L KO 3
Apr 24 Gabriel Mira WBC Flyweight Title W TKO 4
Feb 20 Todd Makelin W TKO 3

1998
Dec 4 Chatchai Sasakul WBC Flyweight Title W KO 8
May 18 Shin Terao W TKO 1

1997
Dec 6 Panomdij Or Yuthanakorn W KO 1
Sept 13 Melvin Magramo W DC 10
June 26 Chokchai Chockvivat W KO 5
May 30 Ariel Austria W TKO 6
Apr 24 Wook-Ki Lee W KO 1
Mar 8 Mike Luna W KO 1

1996
Dec 28 Sung-Yul Lee W TKO 2
July 27 Ippo Gala W TKO 2
June 15 Bert Batiller W TKO 4
May 20 Jun Medina W TKO 4
Apr 27 Marlon Carillo W DC 10
Feb 9 Rustico Torrecampo L KO 3
Jan 13 Lito Torrejos W TKO 5

1995
Dec 9 Rolando Tuyugon W DC 10
Nov 11 Rodulfo Fernandez W TKO 3
Oct 21 Renato Mendones W TKO 2
Oct 7 Lolito Laroa W DC 8
Sept 16 Arman Rocil W KO 3
Aug 3 Flash Simbajon W DC 6
July 1 Dele Decierto W TKO 2
May 1 Rocky Palma W DC 6
Mar 18 Pinoy Montejo W DC 4
Jan 22 Edmund Ignacio W DC 4

Helpless

Amidst all the sound preparation, due diligence and forecasting - times nowadays are as cunning as a thief in a moonless night!

Often times coming seemingly out of nowhere, and exploiting you when you're at your most vulnerable.

You cannot help but feel the sheer incompetence when these things catch you off-guard. Its a feeling that I know a lot of folks would never want to experience again; not with the current economy anyway.

I was brought-in in my new organization in the midst of the merger activities from its latest major acquisition last year.

Throughout the year, I've been responsible at orchestrating mainly, merger related efforts and initiatives, and if I can say so my self, have been doing a relatively good job with it.

Until I came across this one project, which, is not really related with the merger program line-up, but is somehow intertwined. I say "somehow" not for lack of understanding, but because even at this point, the project's sponsors can't even tell me this much at this time.

So began what I thought was a routine run of implementing a 3rd partly integration of the latest logistics and administrative solution offering that the firm is just dying to get their hands-on. Little did I know that the project, not unlike it's name, is totally "out-of-track" and is just an accident waiting to happen.

I'm not sure how the problem began; perhaps it has something to do with the vendor not having proper documentation such as performance characteristics, whitepaper, logical/business diagram, or the fact that the vendor themselves doesn't seem to understand the internal workings of their product, but even at the very beginning, I know that the project is destined for rough waters.

The problem took little time to escalate to a technologists worst nightmare. Obviously, I could've done things a little differently now that I knew more what the outcome would be, but the fact that it feels like the firm is taking what is supposed to be something that would only take a single response (like performance characteristics or the application's heat maps...) is not a good tell-tale sign that things is just bound to be in chaos.

Very soon, I felt that the project needed to re-direct its efforts to drive out the gaps, which was supposed to be filled-out by the vendor in the first place. It's not an easy task trying to figure out something that the entire firm, save from a handful of folks from the vendor knows something about.

Clearly, my concern is that, with the end-of-year evaluation looming at the horizon - the dilemma of this one project whose gone berserk will overshadow my other works and would give a negative impression with the PMO in general.

As mentioned before, I was not the type who would re-tell whatever success I have with my other endeavors. I'm the type of person who'll not sound a beep at something, unless I'm having problems that require upper management's action.

I know this is a poor example of a person whose main line of work is to effectively manage impressions, but that just the way I was when I started with the firm.

Now, I'm struggling to set the record straight. And the fact that the firms 2010 book-of-work line up shows less than a quarter from 2009 troubles me a lot. This means that the firm might be looking at letting people go, because 2010 work demand is comparably smaller than during the merger year.

I'm concerned that with this one project, my future with this firm hangs on a "very thin thread".

Indeed, its a sad fact, being helpless. I know that I might be exaggerating with my worries, but you can't help but wonder "what-if scenarios" especially with my circumstances.

Sigh, I just wish this week is over (I'm expecting my quarterly evaluation meeting with the firms top guys by end of the week), cause worrying this much is an exhausting thing to do.

Whats the last thing you think before going to sleep?

What's the last thing you think of before pulling the shutters down?

I know this is a bit of a naive question, and obviously its really none of my business to ask... and no, I am not nosey...

I just wanted to know what most of us, whose amongst the corporate slave category, thinks of before drifting to "snoozeville"...

I guess you could say, I'm curious to know if you folks have the same train-of-thought...

Mine goes like this (not necessarily in the same order each time)

. . . .

What was the last problem/issue I encountered at work today? >>> How can I have handled it better? >>> What the fuck! I need to call out a meeting for that issue, I bet shit's gonna hit the fan by end of the week... >>> I wonder what's gonna be for breakfast when I get up? >>> Did I forgot any errands? >>> Airconditioner needs to be checked or serviced/not cooling the room properly... >>> Shit! I did forget some errands! Better hope the wife doesn't remember by tomorrow >>> Who was that girl on that movie? The one about the blonde chick with the chin? >>> (5-10 minutes goes by) >>> Reese Witherspoon? >>> Oh yeah, thats her! >>> Wait a minute, why the fuck do I always forget her name? >>> Christ, the electric bill is going to be out soon, wonder how much it is for this month? >>> I really need to schedule the airconditioner, maybe tone-down a couple of hours worth of using it per day... >>> Ha! It's too much of a bother, but I guess I'd talk to the wife about it tomorrow.... >>> Wow, pillows are getting extra comfy right now, need to pull the sheets over, cool air finally settling in.... >>> Think I forgot to say my prayers, crap I'm too lazy to do it now... I'll say two prayers later when I wake up... >>> ZZzzzzz....

Need an overhaul

Do you ever have those days where you feel locked-out? Caught like a deer on a headlight over meetings? Feeling like your running around with your head cut-off? Or maybe just felt inadequately out of control?

Sure, its probably caused by sheer exhaustion, or frustration with the daily runnings at work - but then again these could just be a factor amongst a combination of things...

I seriously think there should be some sort of study out there... and a statistic of how many of us, mortals are affected by this condition... just so we can go to the authorities and declare a pandemic or something...

Tried combing the web for self-help advises, but nothing so far seems to work... well, not in my case anyway.

I probably need to get a vacation anytime soon... a very looooonnngggg vacation!

I'm feeling claustrophobic with my current working scenario right now.

All the issues, deadlines, and more issues are like, starting to take its toll on me...

Dealing with frustrations at work is tricky...

I know, cause I must have tried every piece of advise I could get my hands on...

So here's three of the "best advices" I can find out there, and what it did for me:

Positive Thinking

The problem is, that when you go with the "positive" thinking crap - its just a short-term "fix"...

I mean sure, it does get you off for a day or two, but once you get back to reality, its like you never really went anywhere... so you end up being more miserable cause all you've proven was you can actually fool yourself... Delusion is not something anyone should welcome, I bet persistent practice of this method would either land you in a mental institute, or seriously shift your sense of reality...

Analyzing the root-cause

Sorting or analysing the cause of the issue is obviously more stressful work for most of us - something which I'm sure you don't want more of in the first place... So that piece-o'-crap advise didn't work either...

Meditation

Dealing with the problem by subscribing to "distractingly gay-ish" activities like yoga. meditation, or some other similar shit, only gives you more clarity of mind, in effect, "amplifies" your initial sentiments and frustrations since you can focus and analyze better....

I've tried that one, and look where I am right now?

. . . . .

Seriously, I feel like I need a complete overhaul these days....

Substancial Void

I was brought into a world, where there is absolutely no other substitute for success but being successful - a logic which, for some time looked perfectly right... after all, everything just seems to fit together... successful students tends to be the ones reaping the fruits of their efforts year after year (with merits, scholarships, etc), likewise, successful workers, tends to be the ones promoted first and with it... that synonymous leg-up on their pay amongst other gray stuff...

Success seems to be the single driving force that is only limited by how persevering and how committed a person is. Which for me, unfortunately, has also become the yard stick on which I measure happiness with... Success = happiness --- this was my 'desiderata', my mantra...

But now, reflecting on what I've really learned from the school of life... Success doesn't necessarily meant that you'll be happy... that success will not always guarantee that what's waiting for you at the end is something that you would like....

Of course, this could just be another mindless rant coming from an already tired, sleep-deprived, often times eccentric individual such as myself... but pause for a while and let the your mind do the talking for once... I just want you to basically ask yourself, if, from all your success right now, are you in any position that you can truly say that your either happy or content? Or did your previous success just leave you, hungrier for the next success niche?

True enough, I bet a lot of you would be candidly claiming that you are 'content' and 'happy' with where you are right now.... if so, then this post did not do shit... to you at least... so just bugger off!!!

If your answer is the same as mine, well, I want to share with you with a recent realization ---

success is not about achieving.. it is about looking back and validating
yourself for a job well done... It's not about hoping for a positive reward...
its about what you think your efforts have meant to yourself and to those around
you...

Try to reflect at what your recent success meant for you... and tell yourself whether its made a 'true' positive impact to you and your family