New-phemisms for the new year

This year is almost gone, yet for some reason, I feel contrite as I think back at the lost opportunities that this year has brought me.

I acknowledge that, in some way, I have made strides this year not just for myself, but for my family too.

I have broken into another dimension when I decided to leave the motherland and seek my retributions in a foreign one.

I remember the great quote that makes you feel so fuzzy first, then ends up bitch-slapping your senses silly:

To find one's purpose in life is easy - but to "live" one's purpose can sometimes be next to impossible

This year at least, I was lucky enough to have someone to give me my well needed "slap in the face"; to finally rouse me into consciousness.

For the past 28 years, I thought that I am doing an effing good job, career-wise (with the choices I've made and the things I've done). I swear man, I thought I was going in the right direction. But because of this person's insight, the world as I know it, was literally brought to a screeching halt!

All of a sudden, I got a clearer picture on things of what was before just a hazy-patch of glorified pixels. Now, I felt deeply remorseful that I might have screwed, not just myself, but my entire family's future. I am completely devastated when I realized that I might indeed have jeopardized my career by being an arrogant and conceited fool, too dense to realize that even people coming from modest backgrounds could have better take on things...

I am so engrossed at my own little success story (vain, huh?), that I felt anyone else's views are absolutely comical and absurd.... Okay, okay, I admit it... once upon a time, I was a bigot in sheep's clothing.... there, I've finally admitted it!!!

Going back to my point... This person, although coming from a very modest background, has made it to his "career nirvana" in fraction of the time that I've forecasted mine... Imagine my shock... =(

Made me wonder what sort of other things could be swimming in his head, and whether I could fish some of them out... It also made me feel that somehow, I could be a "student" again; that someone else could actually be teaching me something relevant again.

When the dust finally settled, I began my usual run of morbid panic attacks, sleeplessness, and excessive worrying. You see, it's not only because of the fact that I might have just blown 28-damn-years of my life into a dead-end; but also because I felt that this time around, I may never catch up with the guy..... Which of course also means that I'm setting myself up for a VERY disappointing retirement present....

Gives you something to wrap your mind with, huh? I mean, what if one day, you'll wake up and realize that your whole life is actually going to end without even a whimper. That the life your living right now, is actually spelling your failure.... I can't live realizing that I'll be a failure.... I mean, after all the shit I've already gone through...? I'd rather not have live at all.... *Big Sigh...

So what do we do? We go on living of course... and basically just hope for the best.... I'd be too stubborn not to fight back.... must be hereditary....

I always believe that nothing happens to you that you cannot exploit; there's always opportunity in every tragedy... I mean, there certainly something worth looking forward to, even if all you can see from the outside are bits and pieces of your crumbling, so called life... =(

I just hope there is still time in my life to get things into what I originally intended them to be... After all, there is one more reason this year that's worth reviving my hopes and dreams... My beloved baby boy Dylan...!!! Someday soon my son, I'd make you proud....! =)

I miss my family so much... I miss home...

King Tut's Curse

Remote Project Management used to be easy, that is until you find yourself surrounded by a bunch of bumbling, stumbling, stuttering idiots with fancy sounding job designations whose idea of work probably involves spamming emails, pointing fingers, and scratching their balls whenever they get the f*cking chance....

How I got myself into this much mess is beyond me!!! I actually didn't expect it from them - believe it or not. Coz I'm really into this anger management shit now a days. Which really made me rethink why I changed being a bigot and a racist in the first place.

Pillars of civilization?!?!?! Hah!!!!

Folks, if you ever get in a position where people depend on you, let me give you one advice that might increase your longevity:

!!!!!.....DO THE FUCKING JOB.....!!!!!

I dont care whether your a f*cking genius or just your plain old retard variety who happen to have deep enough pocket to buy their position in a company....

You're there for one f*cking reason!!! And that's to do your f*cking job!!! This shit's given me a reason why I will hate... no wait.... loathe these people!!!

How I wish I could have seen it when Moses kicked your asses and brought plague, pestilence, death and destruction to you lazy, dumb motherf*ckers!

If I get a chance and be reincarnated and be in a position and opportunity similar to that poor bastard Adolf Hitler - I'll put these idoits in my little genocide black book!!!

Burn, muddaf*ckers....!!!! Burn......!!!! [INSERT EVIL LAUGH HERE]

My Lovely Little Lamb

Dedicated to my wife, who is the vessel of my deepest hopes, dreams and desire....


My Lovely Little Lamb
By: DFEA

My lovely little lamb, whose fleece was not so white
I quiver at your sight, and fleet like a dancing sprite
Your shinning pouting lips, sends me spiralling out of control
Your bright and beaming eyes, is piercing my very soul

It used to be not so complicated, my little lamb and me
We'll spend the entire summer, just frolicking and being merry
Just say the word my love, I'll jump, and skip, and growl
if that's whats going to please you, I'll even hop and howl...

I'm so in love with you, my lovely little lamb
and so bewildered too, I'm bunched up like a clam
I'm so in love with you, my petal rose with thorns
you're so frail and tender, not quite for my rugged horns

I'm so in love with you, its funny but its true!
Even if at times, you make me miserable and blue...
I'm so in love with you, unbelievable but true!
Even if I am acting like a condescending slew....

My only lasting wish is to have you and to kiss...
To hold you, till I'm in eternal slumber, is my ideal gist
My only lasting wish, is but to be with you without remiss...
with my daughter and my son, forever, that's my bliss!

Withdrawal Method

It's mind boggling how the simplest mistakes tend to bog you down even with O.C.-like planning and flawless execution. Sometimes I think the old saying that life is unfair is an understatement.

I've been going through some major growing pains in my effort to generate substantial income with my stock trading activities. In general, it is acceptable to fail a couple of times when your starting something out. And its relatively easy to justify them in most cases.

Now, I'm not saying that my efforts went unrewarded, cause they've already earned me a handsome profit to date. It's just that, even with careful planning, I still find myself short from my projected targets. Mostly because I've been having some issues with not walking away while I'm still ahead, or walking too soon while the dice is still rolling...

Ah, the mortal limits of this insidious friend called Greed!!!

The mysteries of market dynamics is really not a mystery at all. Okay, so what if they say that the stock market is a cesspool of undulating turmoil of uncertainties with a touch of commensurate risk taking? Its all just math works, right? Or..... maybe not! =(

For the select few who has enough influence, charisma, power and money; playing the high stakes game of stock market trading is a walk on the park. Most of these bastards started with relatively humble beginnings. Now, they're writing fancy books while flaunting investment strategies like they were born with an MBA in Business and Economics.

But, to be fair, I think I'm doing a pretty good job so far. Being new to this stuff, it didn't hurt that I was an obsessive idealistic retard, a trait which actually sustained me when the market sentiment decided to play footsie with my life savings.... Thank God, all my toes are still with me!

I know that stock market trading is a science, which means it is bounded by absolute factors that can be qualified, quantified, and calculated. But it is also fact that the stock market game is an art, which means this shit is not for you, if you have suicidal tendencies!

What ever the case maybe, it's been a relatively interesting ride so far. It's like a roller-coaster ride from hell.

Absolutely lovely!

Friendly Fire

Friendly Fire
by: DFEA

Another Psychosomatic Episode today unfolds,
beyond the clamoring masses, his suffering beckons...
No mortal man alive can ever elude,
The insanity that forgotten vestibules ensued...

Towards the unknown future, I scope my chances,
lonely and sad, with my ridiculed romances...
I never really dreamed of much for myself,
only but what's rightfully mine I took...

Misery grips me for failing in grand scale,
while the enemy is mocking me like a feeding killer whale...
Playing with my every fiber, chanting retribution,
I grow tired of fighting and realizing only confusion...

I turned to my partner in hope of consolation,
she wasn't there, all I've gotten is nothing but deception...
I cried and I wept for I am about to die,
Still nothing came but echoes and lies...

And as I stand my ground, kneeling towards my detractors,
I recognize one of them, peeking through the corridors...
She's shaking from the fear, frozen and immobile,
shedding crocodile tears with her distinctive profile...

I lay blood-laden and torn from head to toe,
so full of hatred on my supposed ally turned foe...
Her only contribution was a pre-battle counselor,
a farce, a fiend, whose been nothing but a spectator...

We'll cross the "Breech" when we get there...

Breech Birth or Breech Presentation refers to the orientation of the baby where it will be delivered with either feet or buttocks first instead of the regular head first position...

This is whats keeping me awake for the past 3 days now... No thanks to that stupid OB GYN my wife have so much fate with!!!

I told my wife over and over, that it is still too early for her to worry on whether or not the baby will be breeched birth or not... She's not even crossed the 35 week mark...

From what I've read, the baby is still moving around up until the final days approaching full term (40 weeks). This fact should have sobered anyone else... but not my wife... =(

I love my wife so much, that instead of me consoling and reassuring her, her panic and anxiety is rubbing off to me instead!!! I'm turning out to be the anxious nervous train wreck, powerless to do anything to calm her down!!!

To console myself, I turned into my favorite fix - information gathering... I've uncovered some cool facts about Breeched Birth, here's some of them...

There are four main categories of breech births:

Frank breech - the baby's bottom comes first, and his or her legs are flexed at the hip and extended at the knees (with feet near the ears). 65-70% of breech babies are in the frank breech position.

Complete breech - the baby's hips and knees are flexed so that the baby is sitting cross legged, with feet beside the bottom.

Footling breech - one or both feet come first, with the bottom at a higher position. This is rare at term but relatively common with premature fetuses.

Kneeling breech - the baby is in a kneeling position, with one or both legs extended at the hips and flexed at the knees. This is extremely rare.

In the past, normal breech birthing is a common practice... with limited success! The process known as External Cephalic Version or ECV, is when a breeched baby of around 35-37 weeks is maneuvered (doctor assisted) to correct the baby's position in the womb. The procedure only has 50%-70% success rate. This procedure has a couple of prerequisites which includes the following: actual the size of the baby, the actual orientation of the baby, the girth and size of the pelvis, the amount of amniotic fluid and the integrity of the placenta itself, and lastly the physical condition of the baby.

This is a risky procedure to both the child and the mother. Throughout the process, the child's heartbeat needs to be monitored for stress. Too much stress on the baby, might result to premature labor. Even if the baby has been successfully maneuvered, there is no guarantee that s/he will not return to his/her original breech position.

Another method is what's known as Elkin's Maneuver. This procedure suggests that the expectant mother spends 15 minutes of every 2 hours in a "knee to chest" position. Initial results were very promising but subsequently found to be ineffective. Other suggestions include hypnotherapy and acupuncture, both still awaiting formal studies to qualify them medically.
I guess, when it comes down to it, nothing can really calm you either.

You only have to trust God and allow nature to run it's course. After all, it's still a long way to your full term, babe! And I know your so much stronger than this...

Tell you what, let's put all that worrying in a box, lock it up and throw away the key! We'll just have to cross the "breech" when we get there!

Pre-Natal Woes

My beloved wife is deliriously flipping-out on her last term of pregnancy. This is yet another reason why husbands and wives should be together during this time. Unfortunately, I have to be away from my wife unless by some miracle, my boss decides to send me home early for my annual leave...

The psychological and physical stress experienced during pregnancy and childbirth is a known fact. Most of the time, we are able to cope with them by brooding over the idea that giving birth is a process that's been around since forever!!! People do it everyday... so there's really no reason to worry.

I tried to think about what sort of thoughts my wife is having. I mean, carrying the baby to term by herself is a though job. I know she's stronger and braver than she looks, but I still cannot help but wipe off the sweat from my brow thinking that she's going through this thing alone.

The thing is, I never wanted to see any of my loved ones to suffer anything. I would rather inflict the pain to myself than see them go through it. If I can even do the entire pregnancy thing for my wife, I'd do it in a second.

You see, I'm a wuss when it comes to these things... I mean, I don't mind pain and suffering and all that crap, I proudly wear my battle scars for all to see. But to witness my wife or daughter or son to go through them? That's something I couldn't learn to tolerate.

People have told me about how husbands should be (1)poker-faced, (2)calm, and (3)reassuring for their wives during these times.... Well you know what, I can only do number 3... I don't know why I can't keep a straight face if I know that someone I love will be undergoing a stressful experience. Or keep a calm and cool demeanor, amidst the nauseating compulsion to flip out.

The source of this dilemma, came from her last visit with the doc... As per the doctor, the baby might be due between mid-December to early January... Something that really ticked me off... I told my wife to go and seek another doctor, because obviously, this doctor isn't sure about anything at all... I mean first she told us that my wife is due by late January (next year) and now this?!?? WTF??!?!?

Anyway, there's really no point to break my head over this. My wife is actually okay with the idea that she might deliver our baby without me by her side.

Naturally, my anxiety levels are off the roof...

I just wish I could be there for your babe.... =(

Trading Blues

After an exciting rump and cashing a handsome profit with my first stock trading activity, I decided to go with my instinct and feed my greed further...

I picked TGII or Transgulf Industrial Investments Holdings for my second roundup at this high stakes game. The company has been traded publicly for years now with an average performer reputation.

This slugger is an investment and holdings company which also dabbled on industrial leasing and financing. They have posted limited success last year but is currently reflecting high equity yield (YTD) due to good performance of their solid investment portfolio. The resurgence in market capitalization along with the regional surplus earnings brought by the global oil crisis contributed to the positive market sentiments which catapulted TGII's market value.

Basically, the company is an average (sometimes, below average) publicly traded stock. For the second quarter of this year though; they have been enjoying a spot in the MSM as one of the most actively traded stocks with volumes averaging over 21.3 Million shares (YTD) translating a turnover of $267.41 Million (YTD). Average figures really, compared to other players in the market.

Whether their stocks' appreciation is caused by surplus capital flaming the recent gold-rush like market activities; or on pure speculative grounds compounded by market sentiments, I felt this baby is a winner!

I bought the 5,000 shares of the stock last November 11th. I thought that I would be laughing my way to the bank with this one. I've totally forgotten that I'm actually playing with fire... I think it might be high time to call the fire department to douse me off =(

Depression = Aggression

For the longest time scientist we're baffled about psychological depression. Their efforts to understand the condition has led them to believe that it is better to "prevent" depression than to treat it. The reason is, depression can be causedby so many factors, of which, only a couple can be controlled.

Agression is defined as the process of engaging another party or parties (sometimes accompanied with force) to resolve a conflict. The actions employed may vary from person to person, but for the most part we are taught that we should always consider peaceful ways to arrive at a resolution.

I was lucky to live this long, given my affinity to these demons. Growing up, I always think that pain and suffering are my friends, because they are always there with me. I didn't mind it at that time, since I was taught that to be a man, you should always try to take these monsters head on.

In college we learned about the two basic human responses to stimulus: Fight and Flight. Of these two, I'd always choose the Fight response more often than I should.

Thinking back now, I am unsure whether or not my actions were right. I mean what if, I was mistaken? What if, because of my arrogance, I've dug my own grave pit!?!?! What if pain is actually something to run away from?? What if suffering is actually something that we should strive to get out of??

Lately, I'm beginning to see a pattern in my behavior which I don't like at all. Because people around me say I am basically a good guy. A fun guy. Now, I feel like I'm an accident just waiting to happen. A ticking timebomb....

Earlier today, I snapped at our new colleague because I found her little musings irritating. I don't know what's happening... I've gotten brutally intolerant of simpletons, idiot and technoweenies...

I suppose I can still change. After all, it might just be the stress.... along with other things in my mind.

Rolling with the Big Boys.... First Day High!!!!

Today started off like any other day... Woke up... flinched... did some stretching... procrastinated... did some some more stretching... finally forced myself out of bed, all in a record-breaking time of 37 minutes.

Then I went to the kitchen and fixed myself some breakfast... Everything seems all too quiet, in fact, I completely lost track of time as I enjoyed my cup of coffee for 30 frigging minutes before taking a shower... I was in the office fifteen minutes to nine... tardy again, but what the hey... I figure, since I'm the first one to leave the office anyway, that kinda sorta balances the whole schedule thing off, right?

I mean if you arrive late for work and leave late for work, you would've been late twice in one day.... And I don't think anyone would want that, right? Ergo, my line of reasoning is acceptable... Arrive late, Go home early =)

Anyway, on with the story... So there I was rummaging through my daily tasks and running for a 12 o'clock meeting when a colleague of mine stopped and asks me what today was as he fills out some form... So I told him, "Its Tuesday, October 24th"... it took a while for me to realize what I said... today is the First listing day of the stocks I bought (GECS)...

I tried to run back to my office to check the stats online, but the fools started pouring into the conference room signaling the start of the meeting...

Now, about meetings, you might not think of me as the life of the party type, but I can definitely consider myself otherwise when it comes to these meetings and stuff... Usually, I am one the persons that everyone looks at to dictate the course of what's going to happen...

I bet, everybody noticed how I wasn't really paying attention to what was going on... All I wanted at that moment was to get out of that room!!!

Finally after over an hour of incessant blabbing and pointing fingers, the meeting adjourned... I was the first person to leave the still steaming set of seats, stepping at some one's toes in the process...

I shot straight for my office and went to the web... And there, in front of me was the biggest shocker of the year!!! The frigging stock appreciated 62.93%!!!

While writing this... I felt that I cannot do any justice describing the set of emotions I'm going through so I thought I'd let the numbers do the talking! Before I show you the stats... I wanted to give a shout out to my wife...

"Babe, I was right on the money after all!!!! Wooohoooo!!!!"

Out of steam and wallowing in chaos

After the Eid Al Fitr holidays, I suddenly realized that a time off from work and home is no longer the prescription for combating depression. At least, I know now that it doesn't always work for me...

I vowed to change my attitude from being a fatalist-realist during the start of the year, but alas, my built-up sensibilities proved to be a worthy opponent. Not to mention that the grim realities of everyday living is like a Multi-Colored-Dot-Matrix Ad board along EDSA mocking you with all these problems and challenges like theres no tomorrow.

Feeling all too vulnerable, I tried to immerse my self constantly into physical and mental activities in my desperate attempt to fend off the onslaught of this depression. I even resorted to meditation and changing my daily routine to give it an extra kick.... Guess what? No USE!

I think when it comes down to it, the biggest mistake one can ever do when it comes to these things is to ignore them. So, I am writing it down here as a sort of self-medication to see if anyone else out there is sensitive and knowledgeable enough to provide me with some answers (or a clue, which ever works).

I know that spirituality brings some answers to these paradoxes - I've personally witnessed it work. Not that I'm poking my head into blasphemy again, it's just that, this time around, I wanted more specific answers and not just the usual "its all in His plan...." mutterings of some robed guy you see on Sundays.

I tried to ponder on things that happened to me that might explain this lull state I'm currently wallowing from. So far, I have not discovered anything out of the ordinary, except of course that the monotony of living as an expatriate, trying to cope with the illusion of success and fortune, is the only new thing in the mix.

I wanted to get direct answers from someone whose had first hand experience on tricks on how to make it living as an expatriate, constantly battling depression and work fatigue...

So I tried approaching my dad, whose been working here for around 18 years. Tried to fish some ideas from him about how he made it through all those years with his sanity still intact; all without giving away my intentions, current emotional and psychological state.

I wanted to preserve the integrity of the inquiry so that I can at least promulgate something unabated about combating psychosomatic fatigue and burnout. You could call it "A scientific approach to depression..."

As expected, he uttered vague and sometimes esoteric advices and anecdotes. I guess it’s just him being him. I think all dads are like that. It's like an unspoken code or something - "to be perfectly obscure, yet crystal clear...". I know because I do the same stuff too when my daughter pins me up with some questions of her own.

More than the usual phases that everybody goes through, I felt that what I was experiencing will not leave me until I find a way to understand it's complexities - sort of like Grey's Anatomy but milder.

So, without further a do, here’s my list on things that I think I'm getting my depression fix from:

1. Why do you have to slave like a dog when every month you end up with loose change from your so called "Pay Slip" (more like Spend Slip to me!) on your bank account?


2. Why do we try to better ourselves on our careers when we know that along the way, a younger, more improved versions of ourselves will probably walk out of the University as your company writes you a pink slip and calls it "Early Retirement Availment...."


3. Why do we even bother to get up every day and work 8-10 hours and even put up overtime whenever we can, when we know we will only earn X number of Pesos annually and probably end up with less than 2% of that as your savings


4. Why do we even immerse ourselves with quaint childish forms of leisure, (shopping/gadgets/weekend getaways/clubbing/etcetera) when we know that at the end of it all, we'd end up with less Pesos on our pocket and have to do double the work just to pay off our credit card bills...


5. Why do even bother to dream grand ambitions of profiting from our very own business when the fact is, we're all chicken shit to commit to an unsecure, labor and capital intensive ventures, if we can stay in the comfort and so-called security of our day jobs. Content of the fact that we will never amount to something more than a glorified office grunt whether our designation reads Manager or President.

In retrospect, I understand that the laws of nature are immutable - Survival of the fittest, Winners never Quit, Think outside of the box,

or my all time favorite, life is hard, so quit your whining!

I guess there's little comfort to the fact that in 1898, a guy named Jacques Hadamard first propounded the idea of the Chaos Theory.

It states that any existing natural system that exhibits mathematical chaos/disorder (like brain cell function, lightning, electrical circuits, fluid dynamics, magnetic resonance, as well as human emotions) is almost always deterministic, meaning, the resulting action is a statistical certainty - ergo there is still Order in Chaos.

Sounds kind of the funky doesn't it? So does this means, I am in effect "statistically certain" to end up like a depressed whining loony???

Sadly, Mr. Hadamard's little theory seems to agree so...

Let's see Dr. Phil make sense of this shit....

Stand up comic made my day

Yet another reason why YouTube should be a staple on everyones home....

My brother-in-law tipped me this comedian from Canada of East Indian descent...

Cultural jokes will never be funnier again! This guy is funny as hell man!

Made me wet my jocks laughing to his shit!

Check it out!



"What a delightful feeling... That is smashing.... Oh my god! Im arriving!"

The Saga continues (Rolling w/ the Big Boys)

Another cosmopolitan day dawned last Wednesday when I received an alert text message from the local securities market. I was overpowered by the excitement...

Peeling my fingers away from my eyes, I almost shouted out in ecstasy when I scrolled down to read the message...

It wasn't long ago that I began to toy with the idea about investing in the stock markets... It was a trite understanding on my part, believe it or not - but the prospect of instant wealth is simply too much to resist.

Anyway, from the message it said that out of the 10,000 shares I applied for; I am accorded 43.91 percent. This came as both good news and bad news for me.

Suddenly, I found myself transitioning from a cheering lunatic to an indifferent fool. Because on one hand, I was hoping that I could get allocated the entire lot. On the other hand, I am also worried that the mounting positive response on the IPO might bring the share's market value into a plateau sooner than you could say "Show me the money!" *nudge-nudge...

You see, the entire Initial Public Offering (IPO) yielded so much attention that come close date it was reported 15.4 percent oversubscribed. This is suppose to be a good thing, by the way!

The said IPO was heralded as one of the most successful and obviously, the biggest and most commercialized sensation that the securities market here in Oman has ever witnessed.

As far as figures are concerned, the event bested the last IPO to about 57%, roughly translating to 61.34 Million USD in subscription capital!!! The allocation report, poured down all over the country where 5.3 percent of the total applicants was probably pounding their chest in protest as news that their application was denied. I was one of the lucky few that got awarded.

I really should be happy, but I was stumped as I thought about how all those unrealized capital would definitely be channeled somewhere... the question is... where?

If the corporations' appetite remains in gear, the money could get plowed back into the market as they secure their investment targets come the final quarter of the year. This means yahoo for me!

Now, if the anxious public's imagination gets overactive and started to snowball the stock too soon, the market value of the stock could be jeopardized. Which will mean, Boohoohoo-hu-hoo!

As I write this, the stock is being traded on the "Gray Market" at 25 percent of the IPO value; the sentiments of the public is on the rise... The official listing date for the stock is suppose to be on October 28 which would mean that if this gray market carnage pushes on, the stock might not realize the its full value.

The thrill of the game is short lived for me as my illicit felicitations now turn into a horrific waiting game. Knowing the caliber of the trading public in this country, my dreams of fortunes, might be a heartbeat away from a total loss...

I'll be doing a part three on this saga soon.... In the meantime... keep those damn fingers cross will ya!

My Eureka moment

Have you ever had a moment where you have gone beyond the absolute limits of your reasoning and cognition skills and just basically accepted whatever is filling your head?

Lately, I have had some thinking done and came out with an awful realization about life...

Let me start by inculcating some of the concepts which this entry is based on.

Fact #1 : We as sentient beings have both our irrational and rational processes of consciousness
Fact #2: For the most part, we tell ourselves that we are endeavoring more on employing our rational processes.
Fact #3: But, truth is, we are the most irrational and impossible person we know.
Fact #4: We fancy ourselves as the master of our universe and seek all things possible to control our fate even resorting to changing ourselves completely.
Fact #5: We never thought for a second that we do not have complete command on all our circumstances, actions and ambitions; that no single achievement can ever be attributed to our careful planning and absolute execution.

While digesting all the things that I have to go through last year; it just dawned on me... We are all living a life that's not our own!!!

Let me try to tell you why I came down to that conclusion....

First, we all thought for a time that we have to learn everything we can to master ourselves. We were taught at school that we need to act for ourselves as no one in this forsaken world will do it for us (this line of reasoning is partly to blame to what happens or how we'll turn out late in life).

Second, as we grow, we learn to some-what master our skills, discovering along the way our strengths and weaknesses. We force ourselves to recover on our weaknesses and to improve further whatever strengths we have. Over our lifetime, this will be the driving force which will enable us to constantly undermine ourselves, renewing most of our old habits and actions in the hope that one day, our efforts will effect our set goals and plans.

But, even though we go through all these wonderful transformations in our lives, we still feel empty, unhappy and incomplete. We still feel that something else needed to be changed, added, or taken out... That has become our life's mantra!

This longing is more apparent to some people than others. People who have high disposition on their achievements and their aspirations, suffer more than those who have complete trust on whatever "fate" dealt.

We of all, should not belittle whatever achievements or merit we have. Although, your parents will tell you that to prepare for the worst, you should do everything you can, including pushing yourself to become another person altogether.

When I was 8 Y.O., I didn't care what will become of me 10, 20 years down the road. Honestly, I couldn't give a rats ass if try! This is because, I am complete then. I have no reason to push myself into becoming someone else I was not! I also have no intention of even caring about what will happen when I have a kid of my own. For me, that very moment, is where I wanted to be. That moment, I was happy, that moment, I was satisfied...

Its little wonder why this is so. You see, if you have experienced growth through constantly changing yourself, you will almost always find a reason to change something in your life. Your willingness to change yourself a little a day, will overtime be an addiction which you will have no control on. We all know what happens next, don't we?

My friends, this is a violation of nature. You see, although human beings are constantly pushing the boundaries, it is never nature's intention to bring him to the brink of self destruction. For most of us who chasing our illusive dreams, we are willing to sacrifice not just ourselves, but the countless others that look on us for support and inspiration.

We do them a great disservice because, in our efforts to better ourselves for these people, we give them less of ourselves and more of our "other selves". Which comes back as a viscous conflagration of never ending compromises and deals.

There was once a man that said, in order to reach heaven we should be like children! Untouched and unscathed of all the barbarism and atrocity that plagued us since the very first day we decided to challenge our classmate in a graded recitation. Or built ourselves up for that promotion at work.

You see I've realized, that in order for us to be fully contented with what we have and what we are, is that, we have to stop changing ourselves at a certain point in our lives. We are, need I say it? Most conveniently flawed! There is no reason why we should compromise ourselves in the pursuit of this concept of perfection.

If another person dislikes you for being you, then, we should try to find out the reason behind it. If we feel that we will be significantly changing ourselves just to accomplish that person's wishes, then, it's not worth the effort.

Frankly, I am still in the process of changing my train of thought which has been ingrained to me since birth. I do not believe that as individuals, we are tasked to go beyond what we are. If, in God's good graces we should find that these changes are appropriate and achievable, then by all means, do it. If not, then, don't fuss and sulk about "what could have been"...

I remember the words that my mother used to say... "I'll love you for nothing else but just being yourself..."! This my friends are powerful set of words that we can all learn and live by....

I miss my mom, and most of all, I miss my old life....


PS. Image is courtesy of n-design

So where is your iPhone?

Apple's iPhone is almost here!!! This is the raving news I just read from Apple itself. In summary, the iPhone will soon reach the European market by the end of this year. To read the news bit itself you can click here.

Although, the technology behind the iPhone is already available on other mobile devices, it is the consolidation of these features and the form factor that's what's making the difference.

Now, call me vain and a smug, but the iPhone's luscious looks alone will send titillating sensations up one's spine.

It is not the cool features, dazzling graphics and convulsing PIMs options, but the connectivity and feature rich applications of the iPhone that's driving me crazy.

I guess for the most part, its the fact that this piece of hardware has sent the entire mobile phone industry into a whole new level altogether that's making me drivel with anticipation of first contact.

I can rant about the iPhone all night if I want to, but I'll try to bring justice to the masses about the fact that the iPhone in itself is what I'd like to call as the "commercialized-prototype" device. You see, the technology of this caliber shouldn't relent to evil capitalist preying on susceptible naive consumers. It needs to be nurtured and cared for to fully develop its potential.

Give the marketing people a hand on the R&D process and you know they'll mess it up real bad just to make a quick cash. From what I've read, this premature launch has already smeared the iPhone's good name to kingdom come!

I'm listing some of them here for your reference:

• Although the touchscreen offers impressive graphics, the same screen is a handicap when one is using its on-screen QWERTY keyboard. The text input is frustrating because its susceptible to multi-presses and will almost always register inputting errors
• The predictive text system is as good as shit. Most of the time it offered no help at all.
• The mobile OS consumes a chunky 700MB out of the box, leaving the 8GB internal flash on a diet.
• It only offers limited compatibility with MS Exchange services and is also offers shameful support with other POP3 client applications.
• That supposedly cool MP3 collection of yours cannot be used as a ring tone!
• The document manager doesn't support PDF Formats, only native WORD and EXCEL files
• this also means that the browser does not support Adobe Flash plug-ins
• You need to subscribe to periodic updates over the web, no real surprise there folks!
• Doesn't support MMS and voice dialling features
• You cannot Copy-Paste entries, a drag for those quick liner fixes
• Currently doesn't have expansion options for external storage
• Doesn't have video recording out of the box, the shit is an upgrade option!

All in all, the iPhone pretty much tips the scale to the useless-piece-of-crap category. I guess I'm just all for the glory that the iPhone represents. Because ground breaking technologies like this can never be put down. It deserves our respects and admiration - although the same cannot be said to Apple's marketing and sales division.

So, I believe the question is.... Where is your iPhone?

Well, one is on it's way here, with my name on it, thank you very much...

Rolling with the Big Boys.....

Okay, I don't know how else to put this so I'll just say it plainly.

About a month back I was blessed with an opportunity to finally start my hands on Stock Market Investments. I figure, I really didn't have much money anyway so what do I have to loose?

My dad's into this stuff a long way back. He's had his fair share of wins and blunders too. He gave me the inspiration to try my luck at this alternate form of solicited gambling.

Although, I was raised in a devout Catholic household, taking chances and going for broke was tolerated with temperance and of course common sense.

This decision, believe it or not, was not based on my compulsion alone. You see, most of the banking institutions here in the GCC doesn't offer interest returns for you hard earned cash. The shrewed banking system offers promotional rigs and lotto like teasers instead - where they impose this "rigged" prize money draws every month.

So, short to say, with the second baby coming soon, I needed to increase my residual income - and fast! Thus, with a calculated decision, I strapped my stock-investing-jocks and got myself my very own, Investment Portfolio (aka Subscriber Account).

Next, I had to fill-out this one page form for the subscription and allocation application. Thanks to my dad's first hand information on the market, I am around 77.43% (give or take) assured that the investment might yield significantly profitable figures.

This is indeed a brand new world for me. I have to learn the "talk" to walk the walk. Because talking in layman language with brokers and other investors will only give you snob faces or illicit repartee and one-liners followed by high school giggles.

I hope that I will have a positive experience with this one, lest I forever concede to hopelessness and despair. I really, really, really, really need the extra dough!

Anyway, here is the FAQ sheet on the company I'm betting my chips in. And here's their prospectus.

The IPO (Initial Public Offering) concludes September 10, public trading of the stock will probably be a month after. I'll fill you guys in on what will happen. Cross your fingers for me guys!

For all the times that I've been impossible

I stumbled on this one in YouTube... I remember this song used to ply the airwaves non-stop. Way back when I was small, this song use to put me to sleep...

This song was written and arranged by no less than the great Rey Valera, and is now covered by Brownman Revival... Good times....

To my beloved wife, this is for you. For all the times I've been impossible to be with... I know I could be a handful sometimes, but, always remember that there is no one else for me, but you...

Is philanthropy for everybody?

The question whether or not to give back to society is a topic that's been debated upon by countless scholars, theologians, institutions and lay people throughout the history of our country.

On one hand, scholars argue that the very act of generosity is endangering the less fortunate because they gain no advantage in the exchange. The more we give alms to them, the less they would likely participate with their own well being. On another school of thought, they say, that generosity is giving people a chance to live in dignity.

Whatever your side is on this issue, I suggest you find the time to sit yourself down and scrutinize your thoughts some more.

Although, this particular advocacy is a rarity now a days, we can still find one or two people in our circle that genuinely participates on these endeavors. You see, the cruel modern world doesn't give you any reason at all to even think about extending yourself in the service of others. One is simply unable to substantiate one's own means during their entire productive years, ergo, they have a ready made excuse.

In most of today's youth, it is no longer hip to bore nobility and generosity. More and more people have become obsessed with their own successes and feels that they have earned every right not to share what they have.

Another modern blunder that I cannot fully comprehend is the fact that now a days, bigotry and anti socialism reigns free within our society. All of a sudden, the segregation of classes and social standing became sensationalized overnight. It is just no longer fashionable to be identified as a philanthropist.

More often than not, people who engage in social preponderance are branded as old fashion or downright stupid, because earning enough for yourself alone will take you a lifetime to accomplish, so why even bother, so they say.

Again, due to our country's socio-political and economic condition, any charitable act given is interpreted as being tainted with a personal agenda or subscribing to other illicit goals, further adding injury to the already fickle minds of the filipino people.

Financial freedom is everybody's problem. Money is now the driving force in our so-called modern society. Everybody for himself - that's the new anthem!

Whether or not you are included in the lucky 10% of the population, who’s born with a golden spoon, or you belong with the rest of us, everyone needs to do their own part to encourage philanthropy and social responsibility.

We should aspire to better ourselves not because we dream of bigger sums or grander schemes. We should always consider the truth that we are all here for a purpose. That purpose is to share your God given gifts to others.

Admittedly, we are a crying shame compared to what our society was once before, but with everyone pitching their own little share, overtime, that little share will be big enough for you, me, and everyone else. Then, maybe, our country might have a chance.

An "Exchange" of Scenery

A week ago I was happy man, a contented man whose simply enjoying my newly renovated 12 foot by 18 foot room for an office...

Now, that's all changed...

It was a hellish two week ordeal! I mean, just keeping tabs on my situation would would put to shame the processing power of 17-Tandem Xeon Quad-Core Processors, 4 x 36MB Cache Memory with 2500MHz Front Side Bus.

I think I'm developing a severe anxiety complex with Microsoft's Exchange Server 2003 Enterprise Build!!! The damn thing requires a nose-bleed-inducing amount of pre-deployment tweaking for a relatively simple forest with VPN Encapsulation!!!

I mean I've already tried several approach to go around the Domain Controller element that I'm starting to seriously doubt why I even deserve to live! You see, although the company's network setup is relatively simple, the encapsulation and transport methods for the Dynamic IP VPN networking requires the dexterity and patience of a rocket scientist on Meth!

Running out of time, I decided Microsoft's Exchange Server is not worth the pain and suffering... It became apparent too that if I push for Exchange, I'm gonna be admitted to an asylum before the month is over!

I was seriously contemplating skipping town and maybe even change my name to some exotic foreign sounding one, start a career in showbiz and never touch another computer for the rest of my life!!!

Then, as if by mysterious force, it just came to me, I remembered, I was keeping around a simple MX based software which doesn't care jack shit about tunneling protocol conflicts or DC configurations...

I quiver at the idea that I've finally found the answer!!!

The solution was Alt-N's MDeamon Pro 8.1.3 build!!!! God bless FOSS in all it's superficial glory!!!

I just gotta raise my worn out hat to Alt-N for saving my sanity from this cruel, capitalist software conglomerate giant, whom shall remain nameless (Clue: Your probably using their Operating System right now)....

You guys are the best! If I have a million bucks to invest, I'd throw you guys half... errr, a quarter of it... Sure, nobody really knows who the hell you guys are... And maybe nobody really care, but hey.... you save me years of therapy.... and I applaud you guys hereafter....

If you ever need my help... just come out and ask me for it.... without hesitation, you'll have it...

Here's a link to MDaemon FAQ for you reference... If you need any help with your MDaemon, you can hit me up or drop me a line (+968 99454779) anytime!!!



Note: I am not in any way related or connected to Alt-N Incorporated. I have received no compensation in any form for my opinions as expressed. I only hope that Alt-N will have the conscience to offer illicit contributions or ramification for freelancers like me who are patronizing and promoting their products such as, but not limited to the matter mentioned herewith.

Eight years and counting....

Okay ya'll, I know I haven't posted any poems a while now...
So in the occassion of my 8th year anniversary... I took the chance to write up something for my wife.

I know I should've just gotten her a card or something, but I guess between the logistics, old fancy lines and the waiting-for-mail-to-come (it takes about 9-13 days by post), blogging my message comes out the better choice.

I hope you could find my poem somewhat acceptable cause it really came from the heart.

For this one - I've used the obsession I have for securing a better tomorrow for my wife and kids; and the struggles, frustrations, triumphs, and the lessons I learned shooting down that illusive dream we call "happiness"...

So here it is... Hope you like this one babe...


Eight years and couting...
by: D'Shah A.


A long night begs, embracing you and your sadness,
you find yourself shedding tears of solitude and madness...
You grieve with the thought that you are all alone,
in the midst of every one's company you feel lethargic and prone...

You question yourself and how you've come to be,
so blinded by sorrow, pain, anguish and misery...
Regretful for the fact that you started something off,
you wondered, is there a point to all these sacrifices and scoff...

My father told me that happiness is a virtue,
that no person can truly be happy, if its all just up to you...
Happiness in itself is as fluid as your concept of self-worth,
being truly happy is a definition you've looked for since birth...

In spite of the obvious you still wanted to be happy,
you rationalize, you seek and found that it costs hefty...
A bigot once said that money can buy you happiness,
but material possessions will always amount to something less...

So now I question the wisdom of old,
when they say that money is evil and that time can be sold....
But these two are crucial, essential for one's happiness,
Don't you need both to secure yourself from all the madness?

Today, I am shameful of the fact that I've willfully conceded,
from the hallowed clamouring, I've lost track and got myself jaded...
Because as I learned, happiness is not measured in ounces of gold,
it is but the summation of our experiences and in loving so bold...

Happiness is not illusive, we just need to find the way,
the truth, in all sincerity, happiness is loving others day by day...
Loving is the key, give love to even those that scorn you,
Listen and heed me, only in loving can happiness achieved be true...

Happy Anniversary my one true love, my happiness, my Leslie...

Two week train wreck

It's been a while since my last post... I've been clamoring for a break since then but can I get any? Apparently not...!

Two weeks ago the ONLY Internet service provider in this god forsaken place decided they'd want to screw everybody some more and messed around with the ADSL service.

I tell you man, a government monopoly telecom provider can come up with the fanciest shit just to cover there pathetic asses!

First, they told everybody that the interruption was due to a service loop rehabilitation of a significant area south of the Commercial Business District...

When that shit didn't work, they started telling everybody that there was some underground earthquake that threw the already tangled subterranean trans-state cables into something that would put Rob Zombie's dreadlocks to shame!

And when that shit didn't work either... they started inventing paranoia.... they started telling everybody that a rogue hacker penetrated their servers that caused the melee.

Only the town fool will believe their shit... Frankly, it's obvious that they're desperately running out of ideas...

Finally, after 8 days of no or limited connectivity, 1 pack of cigarettes (yes folks I started smoking again because of this shit!), around five thousand cuss words, 2.43 hours of waiting in queue from the damn tech support line, and four sleepless nights - the local ISP admitted that they fucked up the system trying to install a crawler of some sort to incite another attempt to sanitize or censor the Internet...

In this totalitarian country... the sitting monarchy is paranoid as hell about what the people say and think about his crap!

Although, in fairness to him... he's a pretty good leader... he's turned this toilet of a country into a modern and vibrant state... No secret there, I mean what can't you do if you're ruling a country whose literally floating in black gold...

Anyway, right after the "crash", the hard part of rebuilding the entire computer infrastructure of one of our subsidiary commences... another 4-5 days of Calvary for me! Knowing pretty well that the same shit could happen again, I decided to postpone the latency and connectivity tests till next week.

Even as I write this entry the connectivity is constantly kicking my balls just to check if I'd finally loose my sanity...

I'll try to post what happend to the tests if I could, try to bear with me, as there may still be some delay on my postings...

I'll be using this SOHO VPN Router from Linksys for the site's Remote Connection needs. Here's the device's data sheet in case you guys want to check it out.

Saruman's Deliquent Collection Firm

I got my first taste of harassment due to late credit card payment today! Actually, it's my wife whom they drew first blood with.

Taking the full blunt force of the Collection Agent's hollow collection tactics and malingering schemes is nothing compared to my wife's no shit policy about this stuff. So imagine the trauma I went through as my wife exploded recounting her awful experience with that bastard guy as he utter his pathetically scripted collection spiel. Ain't nothing worse than the wrath of a pissed-off other half!

Actually, the entire experience was borne because of a simple misunderstanding... mostly from the bastard collection agency's side... But after I'm through with this people, they would've wished they had a different job!

Adding insult to injury, I tried calling the number given by my spouse - supposedly of the collection firm handling my account. It's been a while now that I was force to engage a complete idiot and discuss the formal entrants of the abstract of lending and its legal devices, so I thought, what the hey, I could use the stress and anxiety of the experience!

The person the I was able to reach sounded like German Moreno on meth! You could just imagine how I lost my temper explaining his job to him... apparently, he's been doing the same old shit for over 5 years now! Hah! That will explain how these people are such pathetic losers - doing the same old collection schemes and spiels for 5 frigging years can really ruin your social life not to mention 7/8 of your available mental faculty, that is if they had any to begin with!!!

This guy was not the so called affluent attorney-at-law but his quote Account Supervisor unquote. Judging from this other person's tone, grammar, sentence construction, and reasoning skills, I could infer a couple of things about this sorry excuse of a person:

(1) He's a homosexual, waiting for a chance to spring his pathetic secret to the world!
(2) He was not breast fed as a child and has grown up extremely insecure, gnarly and sickly...
(3) Because of his frail health growing up, he's succumb to his homosexual tendencies mostly due to his associations with the same sort of people whom he can relate his physical and mental limitations with...
(4) He never learned a single thing while attending his tertiary education (if he ever had one...) and only passed his degree because he promised his professors a lifetime worth of hair cuts, perm, highlights, and shit...
(5) He doesn't know jack shit about collection procedures, banking abstracts, legal derogatory actions, and the canon laws of monetary lending.
(6) He's a minimum wage earner whose bitter about other people getting the privilege of a credit while he suffers from the colonial mentality that credit is actually a status symbol and not a necessity, as others would consider it to be.

I wasted around 15 minutes (long distance call) talking some sense to this guy! Then, after I got my points through with the limited confines that his mental capacity provides - he agreed and gave me the mobile phone number of the affluent attorney-at-law, his boss... The nerve of this sorry excuse of a man! I mean, sorry-excuse-of-a-gay-man!
I'm suing this shitty firm for hiring such incompetent staff!!!

Why 'The Matrix Revolution' failed....

I saw this posted in one of the community sites... and I said, I just gotta put that one in!

For those of you who have not taken the red pill, you have to be patient and carefully dissect the code of The Matrix. It takes some time, but with vigilance and practice - you too can see what happens behind the code...


Now we know why The Revolution failed... Carrie-Ann Moss was seduced to nothing more but a lap dancer! Phhfffttt!

Damn thing left me scarred for life....!

Alright... I know It's been a while since I posted. I know you must be itching to know what happened (or not... but what the hell do I care!).

The reason is this - I got the most intense, cruelest, lose-your-sensibilities and composure, bitch-slap you back to the stone age bout of tongue ulcers you could ever imagine!!!

It's the worst I got in my entire 28 years of existence. I was in limbo for over 12 frigging Days!!! Getting hit in the head with a baseball bat is nothing compared to this, believe me, I know! I can't talk, can't eat I can't even drink without breaking out in tears of pains, frustration, and hopelessness.

As if to amplify my remorseful state, I still have to attend to my life's regular affairs, so going to work proved to be a hell of an endeavor. At that time, I was to oversee a project that requires constant communication between several parties. Imagine the trauma that it caused me! And the shame that grips you talking on the phones like a lunatic perverted jester on antidepressants.

I had two, yes count them two, adjacent ulcers that formed on the left side of my tongue, right at the edge!!! The diameter of one of the ulcers is approximately 0.8 cm while the other is about 1.3 cm. They converge at a point where the tangent of the sores' union protrude against my lower pre-molar tooth - so even at it's natural position, the damn thing hurts like a cheating bitch on crack!

I tried going online in search of everything from understanding the sonova... to finding a cure. I've searched far and wide - ranging from ayurvedic treatment for mouth ulcers to modern medical approach. Through my search, I came across the only thing on the web which has truly helped me.

The site itself was dedicated to all mouth/tongue ulcer sufferers (like mouth and tongue anonymous). It told of war stories and epic battles of how people are ravaged by this disease. I was amazed by the number of people suffering from this condition. Some, they claim has been living for years without any respite, with 7 to 15 ulcers at a time - leaving doctors and medical professionals scratching their heads (amongst other things...) and staring at empty space.

Being a sensible and a rational fellow, I first tried the scientific approach for treating my condition. Then I tried seeking professional medical help. After that, I tried pouring hours and hours of online, textbooks, surveys and even supernatural practices researching for a treatment. I even tried self-medicating with over-the-counter prescription gels, sprays, antibiotics and mouthwashes. Then finally, I resorted to my barbaric bloodline natural tendencies of tantrum fits, psychotic dramas, and self inflicted mutilation, after every other treatment/methods turned out to be nothing but jack-shit!

Below are the results of my clinical tests with these modern joke-of-a-bitch treatment methods:

(1) Bonjella - Stung like shit upon application. Tastes like stale toothpaste. Gives approximately 10-13 minutes of relief. Relief vanishes upon ingesting anything - including water! Stained my teeth with yellow muck shit!!!!
(2) Anbesol (Adult Strength Gel) - Inflicts a makes-you-ponder-committing-suicide-because-of-the-pain pain when applied. Didn't do jack-shit except sink you to a depressive state for about 5 minutes.
(3) Oraldene mouthwash - Makes you cry like a wimp, emoting and shit. Gave about 30 minutes of relief. Tastes like mint. Made mouth dry thus magnifying succeeding pain bouts.
(4) Baking Soda (Applied Directly) - Creates a makes-you-want-to-throw-anything-you-could-get-your-hands-on kind of pain when administered. Gave 5 minute relief which goes away after gargling water. Didn't do shit!
(5) Alum Powder (Applied Directly) - Did nothing but inflict pain, suffering and anguish! This is a sick joke concocted by psychotic sadists!

I found little consolation with these time tested treatment methods:

(1) Punching a pillow - left your body laden with adrenaline. Felt good after depressive bouts with gel applications. (Note: Try to use plump pillows for maximum effect)
(2) Yelling like a lunatic - Gave satisfaction that other people besides yourself will be affected by your suffering. Increases stamina and endurance combating the succeeding pain bouts.
(3) Crying like a sissy - Launched you to a depressive state. Makes you ponder the point of your pitiful existence. Questions the very reason of your being and self-worth.
(4) Arguing with a taxi cab - Gave you satisfaction and instant ego boost. Also gave you an huge dent on the wallet as the taxi driver drove you around for hours to charge extra!
(5) Shouting at your Managing Director - NOT ADVISABLE! Increases your chances of getting sacked. Gave instant satisfaction and gratification.
(6) Kicking stuff - Gives instant gratification. Creates a brief period of solace and peace. Can leave you limping like Quasimodo if not properly administered. (Note: Do not kick anything that can break apart on impact, like glass vase, ceramic tiles, particle boards, etc)
(7) Strangling yourself until you turn blue - NOT ADVISABLE! Increases the risk of fatality. Gives instant rush! May cause tunnel vision, cramps, shortness of breath, sweating and vertigo if properly administered.
(8) Starting a brawl - Gives instant gratification. Increases the chance of you incurring another mouth or tongue ulcer because of the pressure of the fist applied to the face, mandibular area. Hurts like shit!
(9) Brushing the ulcer(s) to kingdom come - Pain increases dramatically upon application of toothbrush bristles. May increase the diameter and depth of the ulcer(s). HURTS LIKE SHIT!!!

After everything has been said and done - I guess the only thing that I could attribute curing the sore was the old Salt-dissolved-in-water-Gargle trick! This method inflicts hellish pain but gives you relief long enough for you to stand chewing your food to nourish your sorry ass self! Plus, it hastens healing the ulcer by providing gentle antibacterial effect, killing the nasties making a home in your yap hole.

All in all the experience has left me scarred for life. Never again will I look into this world with innocent eyes! I have come to know my own stress limits. I now know the exact extent of my pain tolerance (about 2 - 2.5 gargantuan tongue sores!).

Bullets, chains and knives is now but a tickle bud to me. I've become stronger, bolder, faster, and sissier now that I've experienced hell on earth!!! To all those countless folks suffering from these little buggers, I feel your pain!

Top Ten Reasons Why I Love My Wife

Here's my list for Top Ten Reasons Why I Love My Wife...

10. She never listens to anything I say, she'll feign listening from time to time but you know she's leading you on...
9. She'll always ask you for something impossible, regardless if you break your neck trying to fulfill them...
8. She never let up being a jealous freak! Even elephant tranquilizers won't take her down when she's on her jealous rampage...
7. She always forgets the "plan". More often than not, it's because of reference to reason number 10.
6. She's invented a new use for the mobile phone - a high velocity crotch-seeking projectile from hell!
5. She always takes the long route to everything. Shopping for groceries will never be fun anymore...
4. She'll never accept a perfectly normal line of reasoning. She always begs logic of comical hearsay from friends...
3. She hates everything I enjoy and despises all my regular pursuits.
2. She never takes me seriously, even if I'm out of the road wielding a cleaver out for a mindless killing spree...

But the most important reason of all is...

1. She has given me, a reason beyond reason itself... affection beyond my wildest imaginings... patience more rugged than the mighty Kalahari... understanding, the breadth of which extends way beyond mortal realms... opened my eyes to the grandeur that is all around me... introduced me to laymen concepts that carries wisdom beyond university halls...

She has, made me want to push myself to my very limits... Given me a challenge that will last me two lifetimes fulfilling... cared for me with the most selfless tending ever in the history of mankind!

She has made me want to live a thousand years just to spend each precious second loving and caring for her!

If I'd ever be granted 3 wishes... it'll be... that (1)I live an immortal life free from any vexations of the hoi-poloi culture, that (2)I retain the realities of my present circumstances, and that (3) I spend my life in eternity with you... my one, my only Leslie!

The tooth will set you free

In today's modern world every boss of every company expects that their employees/subordinates are well adapted to a fast-pace, caffeine dependent, fast food junkie, multi-tasking environment.

This is all because modern technology, and capitalism, has shown us that we can always improve on the various ways to screw ourselves! Constantly challenging the limits that our bodies and minds can take, we we're conditioned that this is how a modern person should be - sleek, savvy, and busy as hell...

According to national surveys around the globe, we will continue to see an upward trend towards stress related diseases and aggravated psychological disorders. A phenomenon not exclusive to any race, country, sex, or religious affiliation.

The reason behind it, if I may be permitted to state, is simply due to our exuberant lifestyles which breeds primarily from our vanity, greed, materialism and disdain. Mind you, they're certainly not our strongest points but don't be a hypocrite and deny that you're a virgin when it comes to these sins.

Complications from our daily routines and activities as we try desperately to adapt to the times brings not only higher efficiency ratios but also higher anxiety and higher cholesterol levels. The modern urban ape-man has to deal with all the bustle throughout the day only to do everything all over again.

It's a disease, to put it mildly. It is also frustrating to know that as you put your hopes and dreams in your career... while taking for granted one essential thing - yourself.

In your pursuit of that illusive success, you are willing to put your very life on the tip scale. You engage on routines, sometimes quite often than not, that puts your physical and mental state in jeopardy. You indulge on unhealthy food sources, letting your bodies primal conditioning run a mock as you slowly dig your own grave.

Do you know that in the ancient times, when men are living in caves and hunts wild game for food, animal fat is a prized commodity! Usually reserved for the leader of the hunting party, the highest prize, the most coveted! There is of course a science behind this bizarre practice.

You see, fat stores stabilized cholesterol and lipid deposits which can be used as a spare source of energy. When the organism fails to get sustenance, say the hunting effort failed a couple of days, the organism can always count on its "reserve" bulk to get by, at least for some time.

So anyway, during those ancient times, when hunting was the main source of sustenance - a successful hunt seldom happens. Humans endure a lot just to bring down a game, that's enough to feed everyone. Thus, it is only logical that the most coveted portion of the kill would be the "wobbly bits".

This hard-wiring is still with us today. This is why, despite numerous attempts to warn us of the ill effects consuming saturated fat, people still flock at the local fast food joint, stake houses or local delis. Or still indulges in a fat-dripping steak or chops! You'll find this habit very much related to how we live today.

A typical urbanite wouldn't have any difference with our ancestors. We go out everyday with our "savage ways" and try to earn our keep... All the time letting ourselves be bombarded with constant danger - stress and anxiety. At the end of the day, who could ever resists nibbling on that super-sized fries and munching on that fat-juicy burger! That's because, the body - hard wired from millions of years of evolution is waiting for its reward after a grueling day "hunting"... So don't smack your heads just yet; it's human nature after all.

Let's try to dissect the facts and try to analyze the obvious. Humans, regardless of what you think of yourselves, are not design to withstand constantly consuming saturated fat laden food groups. If you were, your teeth should resemble that of a binging carnivore! For your information your mouth is composed of 20 Molars, 4 Canine, and 8 incisors - which means, only 37.5% is assigned for meat processing and 62.5% of your teeth is of masticating vegetables.

Looking at these figure I say it's a fairly safe assumption that we should not be putting more than 40% of our diets in animal meat - where, most of the saturated fatty deposits reside. Nowadays of course you could get saturated fat almost in any form, size or composition, just do some extrapolation of the obvious, and hopefully you could figure out what I'm saying.

Try to weigh your meal every time you sit to chow down. If your plate is more than 40% meat (or saturated fat of any form)... don't dig in, resist the urge! Just try to binge on the 60% of the food groups you are "designed" for - fruits, vegetables...

We might not be able to change the way society operates right now. But, having been around over 7 million years... we should exhibit more intelligence than our ancient brethren - we should have figured out the obvious and finally wise up.

The question then becomes... Have you evolved yet after 7 million or so years?

I'm sleep famished!

I've been losing sleep more and more lately... Since my family flew back home, I find out that the only way I could get to sleep for more that 3 hours straight is to sleep around 2-3 AM. But then I'd have to get up around 7 AM for work...

I need at least 6 hours worth of sleep time to function properly - a requirement that's been verified through years of testing and controlled experimentation...

Initially I thought that this is just some phase I'm going through... But lately, I think its ridiculous and its already getting out of hand... I almost fainted the other day; I couldn't hold myself standing in queue...!

I must have tried all the old-wives trick out there! Nothing works! It's like my body has a mind of its own and keeps waking up every 2 hours or so...

I've grown tired of being tired all day! Gotta find cure... soon... :(

A ravaged youth's consolation

It was never easy for me growing up. You see, I stood before a crossroad, a garden maze of deluded choices and aspirations unknown. Although, all pre-adolescents go through this same tribulation, somehow I could consider mine somewhat inimitable.

For the longest time, I was infused with the notion that I should always be better than my present self. I was brought up in a family where your best is always a laughable excuse to try even harder the next time. It’s never been, “You’ve done well…” or “That’s great… you did it…”

Call me naive, but there is a reason why it’s a known fact that as human beings, we need to feel some sort of satisfaction on whatever it is we embark on. We need to feel that we actually are good for something! That we are a part of something important, that we belong.

Growing up with parents who have overly inflated achievements tucked under their belts, makes what little successes you have seem quintessential or worse yet, comical. Your best is never enough, as long as there is someone else in your age group who’s doing far more superior feat than you.

Crap, I knew then that it’s going to haunt me for the rest of my adult life… Honestly, I thought I was the most tragic basket case that ever lived. I even grew up thinking that I was peculiar, because of the habits formed from constantly overcoming my pretensions.

The sad part of it though is that instead of developing a prime personality, it was the complete opposite. I have become so concerned of the future, that I didn’t mind putting my present circumstances in order. Everything was, “we have to be prepared for the future”; we have to be ready for the “what-ifs and what-next…” At the moment though, it all looks somewhat of a dim-witted principle to live by.

All that unnecessary stress has but given me what really mattered in this world. It has never really brought me anywhere close to my aspirations and goals. Pathetic! We as a society seriously needs to look into what type of personality development practices we resort to at home – something’s need to be outlawed for good!

I guess it’s not too late to change… I’m still young, right?! I can still enjoy whatever is left of my decrepit so called life... You know what, you can too…