Lightyears away

For a lot of us, success in any area of our lives seemingly looks so remote. So distant, that it its simply impossible to accomplish within our very own lifetime. We pat ourselves in the back, toast whatever average success we earned, and retire to our beds at night hoping and praying that our kids would be our best chance to claim our dream that's just too damn illusive as a 50-peso bill in Edsa during Christmas season!

I bet that's why most of the stories we hear growing up includes anecdotes of how our folks had "almost" made it. These anecdotes typically starts with the transitive verbs: would've, should've, or could've, and  ends with that 19th century appeal to the senses : "if I only did such and such... "

I have always enjoyed listening to stories like this. Maybe because, some where a long the line, I know that there will be a story that you could learn from. Or maybe, because I always thought that they too made several amateur mistakes in their lives. That they don't always do the right things... that they are just like you and me... Or maybe, that they're just making excuses cause they obviously didn't meet the "grade"; or had the "stuff" to get them through.

I feel ashamed now of how I thought back then.

Whenever I failed at something important, I always go back to my dad... some times demanding an audience to spill my own "would/should/could" story.... Some how, seeking my own retribution from him or from a family member....

The tables have indeed turned.

I wonder of what my eldest is thinking whenever my wife and I talk about my "would/should/could" story?

Maybe. like my dad, I would be listening to their own stories soon, when they grow up....

In everything there, there is a season and reason?

The past few weeks have been really a humbling experience and I'm just glad that I'll be having a chance to finally push forward with new beginnings by next week.

I pray that things finally look up for the better. 

Whatever it is that happened, I have no choice but to pick my self up and push myself once more. I have to. I need to. I just hope that this time, I could make the right decisions, and make the right choices.

The financial textbooks always told us that we should create an emergency cash buffer worth at least 3 to 6 months of expenses to tide us over in the event of a personal crisis --- like, loss of income, health issues, being run over by stampeding ants or being struck by lightning, etc.  

Being the only income earner in a family of 5 (plus 2), I soon realized that whatever "wall of financial" protection I thought I've built up, did not mean squat in the face of "overwhelming" force... 

Domestic issues simply have a way to shred whatever "well-informed preparations" you make like a manic-compulsive kindergarten cutting up card boards with plastic scissors. Also, other people's "circumstantial" crap also tends to compound seemingly in perfect timing, either when you're at the apex in your personal crisis or you're screaming obscenities out in empty space from complete and utter hopelessness.

More often than not, it pushes most people to retreat to whatever protective-ish cocoon they have as their brain goes cold turkey due to the prolonged absence of serotonin in their bloodstream.

Sadly, despite my recent interlude and affair with disproportionate despair, I am still unsure whether I learned anything sensible that I can later on apply... 

It's cruel to think that when we were little, we were always taught that everything happens for a reason. That, if something does not kill you, it only ought to make you stronger.... What a big pile of  horse droppings! Right there with all the useless, medieval mutterings like, " Eatin' ain't cheatin' " or "when life gives you lemons, you make margaritas" or some similar shit like that!

When will we all finally learn that Shit just happens... not for any other reason, but simply because it can happen.... period...!

Maybe were just too naive or too brainwashed to acknowledge that....

As far back as I can remember, I was brainwashed and bleached to this sick, cult-like belief... Even with modern advances in philosophy and science... Parents (including myself) still serve up this nonsense to their kids.... maybe to appease their own ignorance on the "grand scheme" of life...

Let's try to rectify this further... allow me, if you will, to take a proverbial stab at the existential piece of everyday dilemma by invoking good old fashion mathematical logic... where do I start? Hmmm - maybe, we can invoke John Venn's equation of statistical probability to try to put substance and form...

A quick search on the web, and all those "lively", exciting, and energy packed classroom lectures in college came rushing back to me.... Statistical probability, or frequency probability can be written as follows:

 where P(x) is the probability of an event occurring at a given period (t).

If we attempt to postulate the probability that "undefined" possibilities and circumstances can simply snuff out any financial emergency preparations you make (given non-bounded period or time), we arrive with every statistician's frequency probability theory dilemma, which is:  

Like what I said, its never an exact science (or in my case, math).... Despite the grim outlook though, it is still very much preferred to stock pile lots and lots of cash as emergency contingencies might just be around every twist or turn....