New-phemisms for the new year

This year is almost gone, yet for some reason, I feel contrite as I think back at the lost opportunities that this year has brought me.

I acknowledge that, in some way, I have made strides this year not just for myself, but for my family too.

I have broken into another dimension when I decided to leave the motherland and seek my retributions in a foreign one.

I remember the great quote that makes you feel so fuzzy first, then ends up bitch-slapping your senses silly:

To find one's purpose in life is easy - but to "live" one's purpose can sometimes be next to impossible

This year at least, I was lucky enough to have someone to give me my well needed "slap in the face"; to finally rouse me into consciousness.

For the past 28 years, I thought that I am doing an effing good job, career-wise (with the choices I've made and the things I've done). I swear man, I thought I was going in the right direction. But because of this person's insight, the world as I know it, was literally brought to a screeching halt!

All of a sudden, I got a clearer picture on things of what was before just a hazy-patch of glorified pixels. Now, I felt deeply remorseful that I might have screwed, not just myself, but my entire family's future. I am completely devastated when I realized that I might indeed have jeopardized my career by being an arrogant and conceited fool, too dense to realize that even people coming from modest backgrounds could have better take on things...

I am so engrossed at my own little success story (vain, huh?), that I felt anyone else's views are absolutely comical and absurd.... Okay, okay, I admit it... once upon a time, I was a bigot in sheep's clothing.... there, I've finally admitted it!!!

Going back to my point... This person, although coming from a very modest background, has made it to his "career nirvana" in fraction of the time that I've forecasted mine... Imagine my shock... =(

Made me wonder what sort of other things could be swimming in his head, and whether I could fish some of them out... It also made me feel that somehow, I could be a "student" again; that someone else could actually be teaching me something relevant again.

When the dust finally settled, I began my usual run of morbid panic attacks, sleeplessness, and excessive worrying. You see, it's not only because of the fact that I might have just blown 28-damn-years of my life into a dead-end; but also because I felt that this time around, I may never catch up with the guy..... Which of course also means that I'm setting myself up for a VERY disappointing retirement present....

Gives you something to wrap your mind with, huh? I mean, what if one day, you'll wake up and realize that your whole life is actually going to end without even a whimper. That the life your living right now, is actually spelling your failure.... I can't live realizing that I'll be a failure.... I mean, after all the shit I've already gone through...? I'd rather not have live at all.... *Big Sigh...

So what do we do? We go on living of course... and basically just hope for the best.... I'd be too stubborn not to fight back.... must be hereditary....

I always believe that nothing happens to you that you cannot exploit; there's always opportunity in every tragedy... I mean, there certainly something worth looking forward to, even if all you can see from the outside are bits and pieces of your crumbling, so called life... =(

I just hope there is still time in my life to get things into what I originally intended them to be... After all, there is one more reason this year that's worth reviving my hopes and dreams... My beloved baby boy Dylan...!!! Someday soon my son, I'd make you proud....! =)

I miss my family so much... I miss home...

King Tut's Curse

Remote Project Management used to be easy, that is until you find yourself surrounded by a bunch of bumbling, stumbling, stuttering idiots with fancy sounding job designations whose idea of work probably involves spamming emails, pointing fingers, and scratching their balls whenever they get the f*cking chance....

How I got myself into this much mess is beyond me!!! I actually didn't expect it from them - believe it or not. Coz I'm really into this anger management shit now a days. Which really made me rethink why I changed being a bigot and a racist in the first place.

Pillars of civilization?!?!?! Hah!!!!

Folks, if you ever get in a position where people depend on you, let me give you one advice that might increase your longevity:

!!!!!.....DO THE FUCKING JOB.....!!!!!

I dont care whether your a f*cking genius or just your plain old retard variety who happen to have deep enough pocket to buy their position in a company....

You're there for one f*cking reason!!! And that's to do your f*cking job!!! This shit's given me a reason why I will hate... no wait.... loathe these people!!!

How I wish I could have seen it when Moses kicked your asses and brought plague, pestilence, death and destruction to you lazy, dumb motherf*ckers!

If I get a chance and be reincarnated and be in a position and opportunity similar to that poor bastard Adolf Hitler - I'll put these idoits in my little genocide black book!!!

Burn, muddaf*ckers....!!!! Burn......!!!! [INSERT EVIL LAUGH HERE]

My Lovely Little Lamb

Dedicated to my wife, who is the vessel of my deepest hopes, dreams and desire....


My Lovely Little Lamb
By: DFEA

My lovely little lamb, whose fleece was not so white
I quiver at your sight, and fleet like a dancing sprite
Your shinning pouting lips, sends me spiralling out of control
Your bright and beaming eyes, is piercing my very soul

It used to be not so complicated, my little lamb and me
We'll spend the entire summer, just frolicking and being merry
Just say the word my love, I'll jump, and skip, and growl
if that's whats going to please you, I'll even hop and howl...

I'm so in love with you, my lovely little lamb
and so bewildered too, I'm bunched up like a clam
I'm so in love with you, my petal rose with thorns
you're so frail and tender, not quite for my rugged horns

I'm so in love with you, its funny but its true!
Even if at times, you make me miserable and blue...
I'm so in love with you, unbelievable but true!
Even if I am acting like a condescending slew....

My only lasting wish is to have you and to kiss...
To hold you, till I'm in eternal slumber, is my ideal gist
My only lasting wish, is but to be with you without remiss...
with my daughter and my son, forever, that's my bliss!

Withdrawal Method

It's mind boggling how the simplest mistakes tend to bog you down even with O.C.-like planning and flawless execution. Sometimes I think the old saying that life is unfair is an understatement.

I've been going through some major growing pains in my effort to generate substantial income with my stock trading activities. In general, it is acceptable to fail a couple of times when your starting something out. And its relatively easy to justify them in most cases.

Now, I'm not saying that my efforts went unrewarded, cause they've already earned me a handsome profit to date. It's just that, even with careful planning, I still find myself short from my projected targets. Mostly because I've been having some issues with not walking away while I'm still ahead, or walking too soon while the dice is still rolling...

Ah, the mortal limits of this insidious friend called Greed!!!

The mysteries of market dynamics is really not a mystery at all. Okay, so what if they say that the stock market is a cesspool of undulating turmoil of uncertainties with a touch of commensurate risk taking? Its all just math works, right? Or..... maybe not! =(

For the select few who has enough influence, charisma, power and money; playing the high stakes game of stock market trading is a walk on the park. Most of these bastards started with relatively humble beginnings. Now, they're writing fancy books while flaunting investment strategies like they were born with an MBA in Business and Economics.

But, to be fair, I think I'm doing a pretty good job so far. Being new to this stuff, it didn't hurt that I was an obsessive idealistic retard, a trait which actually sustained me when the market sentiment decided to play footsie with my life savings.... Thank God, all my toes are still with me!

I know that stock market trading is a science, which means it is bounded by absolute factors that can be qualified, quantified, and calculated. But it is also fact that the stock market game is an art, which means this shit is not for you, if you have suicidal tendencies!

What ever the case maybe, it's been a relatively interesting ride so far. It's like a roller-coaster ride from hell.

Absolutely lovely!