The mathematics of psychology

Remember when you were little and someone asks you, what you would want to be when you grow up and you end up uttering something recycled like… "I wanna be a cop... or a doctor, fireman, nurse, lawyer..."

Well, I bet no one really wanted to be any one of those things at that time except being kids! Maybe its because we didn't know any better then. Maybe, no one really cares at all who or what they would turn out to be. Sometimes I think it would've been better that way.

Have you ever been to a party of an old neighbor and got the biggest news of your life that the old neighborhood idiot whom everyone considered to be a destined drifter-for-life-good-for-nothing-piece-of-kelp turned out to be the most successful individual in your age group?

And then it starts... all the elders including your mom giving you that psycho babble that will haunt you for the rest of your pathetic existence... "My dear, you could have been so much better than him, wasn't he learning-handicapped as I child...? This is what happens to arrogant people, like you... You should've listened to me that time.... blah-blah-blah"

We can only take the back seat as depression, shame, and contempt bitch-slaps you to a pulp!!! You're inescapably wishing that the other guy contracts syphilis or be married to Kris Aquino or some shit like that to basically make him miserable for life!

This is when I decided to make a stand, once and for all! I told myself, I will not stand and do nothing as they sputter their insensitive mongering and uncompassionate statements! I decided to fight back. I decided to conduct a case study that dares to ask the question:

How many screwed up, fucked up losers end up as big time runners?

It’s a valid and righteous inquiry if I may say so myself! I mean, not only because it could be a great parenting aid, but also because it's a handy tool for normal people (like us) to gauge our less endowed peers and colleagues and amorously "remind" them of their rightful place, once and a while. It might even shake the foundation of contemporary child rearing for all we know.

Okay, its settled! Now, let me tell you where I am on this at the moment...

For our purposes, we will be referring to this study as the Post Childhood Anxiety : Nocturnal and Modular Neurosis experiment

...or The PoChA:NMN Experiment....

Details of the experiment are as follows:

Candidate criteria:

• 500 male and 500 female non-handicapped respondents between 25 - 45 years of age.
• 500 male and 500 female non-handicapped kids between 4 - 8 years of age.
• candidates should have no existing medical, and/or psychological known conditions, pre or post study duration.
• candidates should not belong to any minority sex, religious, ethical groups or orientation (as from experience these groups have a rather undefined view on reality, please excuse me for being frank here...)

Method of study:

Personal Interviews, questionnaires, biographical research and verification, statistical analysis and forecast developing.

Highlights/Procedure:

1. Entire study population shall be tagged and categorized to the following groups: losers, semi-losers, non-losers
2. Determine the medical and psychological standings of each population in each group.
3. Derive the standard deviation ratio per group based on predetermined factors.
4. Qualify loser-like tendencies for each test group and track them accordingly.
5. Calculate Mid-range coefficients on the entire population for respondents sharing similar traits, personalities, affinities, location and various other factors.

Conclusion

Supplementing the gathered values to the equation below, we can then solve for the PoChA:NMN rating or the odds of that son-of-dreamer's likelihood to be successful later on in life. Testing for values, I have develop eight conclusions resulting from the experiment. They are as follows:

1) Peculiarism is inversely proportional to the chances of hitting it big later on in life.

2) Personality and character traits play direct role to the psychological and emotional development of each person.

3) Longevity and scholastic achievement contributes directly to promoting anti-loser characteristics and practices. Thus elevating their chances of success later on.

4) The odds of drifting hopelessly in deranged confusion and aggression over ones self worth is directly proportional to the rise and fall of the inflation rate, annual GDP and commercial foreign exchange rates.

5) Flapping your arms and clucking like a chicken to provoke an Indian tribal chief could seriously shorten your expected life span by 30%. While walking in naked and dancing to Britney Spears' Oops I did it again, during a Sunday eucharistic celebration increases your chances of being excommunicated by the catholic church and being sent to the asylum by 60%.

6) Putting this one in because I need to come up with eight entries for this study.

7) I hope my college statistics professor is not reading this crap otherwise he could get a heart attack from my clear lack of self respect to his lectures and dissertation on the different methods of computing for standard deviation of particular samples within a sample.

and finally...

8) That the person reading this, obviously need some psychological help himself if he still continue reading thinking that this is indeed a formal study

Seriously though, we need to understand this universal truth: You can never be someone else except yourself. It really doesn't matter where you come from, or whether you have special considerations growing up - we all come and walk towards the same direction although technically, we may not be walking on the same paths.

Believe it or not, you are inevitably, the captain of your life, and the sole beneficiary of your choices! Forget about putting blame on your past or charging all the lamest excuse you can think of to your issues. I know its tough, but that's life! Call it fate or call it choices. You see, life is a cleverly crafted one-way street where the cars don't have a reverse on the shifter and there is no room to do a U-turn... We can only try to accept and improve what's on our plates now for they are the results of the choices we made earlier.

So cheer up and try to enjoy life, feigning would do too!

If you're still fidgeting and worrying, just wrap your minds with this for a second: If you've tried giving it your best - whatever happens in the end, is really meant to happen......

Makes a lot of sense, huh?

En Memoria Cariñosa

Come into the light... so the line goes
Beyond mortal comprehension it bellows
Amidst the amber rays of the sun king
I rest my head abounding with flurry madness

I do not recall of any grievous fault?
To this life of eternal suffering and lamentation
Druid lies of dreaming in mega pixel glory
Stained with the innocence of pompous men

Alas, thou have betrayed me, Oh hideous monster!
Have I not consulted you while you spoil in merry laughter?
You have given me false hopes of saturated illusions
And had cast me to my grave, ever sceptical of my fate

I wish I have not enjoyed a life of easy ways
I wish I have not learned wise men’s phrase
Because I can never go back to my innocuous self
Where people live lives, without regret for life itself


++ En Memoria Cariñosa ++
Cmdr. Carlos Pechuela 2007
Mrs. Carmen Rabo 2007

Life's a B#tch, isn't it...?

Why is it that when you thought that you've finally managed to save something from your pathetic paycheck, a sudden, unexpected expenditure flies through your window, and hits you smack at the kisser?

We all tried so desperately to put order in our lives. Some people even go to professionals just to get some form of control over their lives.

I know that it all boils down to careful planning, cold and calculated budgeting... which also means... giving up an arm or a leg for a measly-fraction-of-a-savings-'coz-every-penny-counts sort of sacrifices...

Okay, so tell me this...
Were you actually planning when your car just died on you while driving to work? Or what about when the school tuition is due then your brother bumps you off for some dough because there's been some emergency? Or when you've finally saved enough cash to buy that new 3MP Camera Phone the got held up on your way to the mall...

The list can go on folks... You might say that these are just coincidental. Or that lady luck has just left you for a quick bathroom break... Crap, doesn't that make it all the more irritatingly irritating?

I'm telling you man, I was one of them folks... I've been there with y'all.... How you feel so damn scared because you forgot to do your "List" last evening. Or how you sank into hopelessness because you've accidentally thrown away your "Schedule of Expenses" note and didn't make a copy of it.

I know I'm not qualified professionally, to utter these next sentences, but I'm gonna do it anyway and give you some idea of how you can actually make yourself a little saner...

What I'm proposing is an alternative solution here...

(to be continued...)

They've gone

Their flight departure was 20 minutes delayed. Amidst the nauseating news that there was a class-5 tropical cyclone one the way, we pushed ourselves to realise our fast approaching separation.

It was a flurry of humankind at the airport. Passengers were mostly from an Indian descent. Everywhere I look - front, side, back, I see them. A sea of steaming, chatting, oozing pile of hygienically-challenged humanity!

Anyway, we reached the airport a little past 11 PM. As mentioned, the queue was horrible and we have to use both wit and diplomacy with the idiots standing in line to move up front of the queue. Actually, we just used foul language and tantrum fits, which basically works just the same.

Sneaking past the check-in counter we we're cornered by an acquaintance, pleading earnestly that we take this gym bag because they have already gone excess the allowable carrying weight. How the Filipinos even manage to live successfully abroad, I'll never know.

Here's the typical story of how it is every time Juan dela Cruz goes home:

- two week before flight: shopping galore for pasalubongs...
- one-week before flight: shopping galore for pasalubongs...
- 3 days before flight: asks friends, colleagues for a loan, then goes shopping galore for pasalubongs...
- 2 days before flight: Throw a despidida party grander than your grandma's 80th birthday celebration...
- 1 day before flight: continuation of the despidida party for those unfortunate ones who didn't make last night's celebrations.
- 12 hours before flight: Frantically cramming all pasalubongs into balik-bayan boxes...
- 8 hours before flight: Procrastinate about not getting enough balik-bayan boxes to cram pasalubongs with...
- 6 hours before flight: realized that he's packed more than the allowable carrying weight... unpacking, then re-packing, finally ending up giving away non-essentials, like 6 boxes of toothpaste, 15 bars of soap, 2 kg of powdered milk, 13 cans of "carne norte", 12 tins of Spam, 2 liters of cooking oil, 7 packs of Marlboro Reds/100's, 5 pieces of Nivea Cream, and finally a bottle of Pantene 500 ml shampoo with conditioner.

I think the iconic balik-bayan anthem of bringing pasalubongs has been ingrained to our psyche. I dont know, maybe it's been around because of our fickle colonial mentally, damn you colonial masters!!!

Moving on to my story... Around 12:37 AM, the annunciator blasted that they have to come to the gates, so I walked my family to the departure area, holding back my emotions like a highschool sorrority inductee. I did manage not to cry infront of my family that time. I wouldn't recommend it though because I've downed at least 4 glassess of water later to calm myself.

I promised to wait until their plane takes off so I went out of the pre-departure hold. I met up with my sister and her husband, whose offered their undying support for this event.

At around 12:53 AM the lightboards suddenly changed the status from last call to DELAYED. My wife called and confirmed the news. I can detect a slight anxiety with her tone, it's clear that she's getting cold feet because of the brewing storm. She's never openly admitted it, but she really hated flying...

I was telling her that the delay is typically their MO, since the airline has a superfluous record for most number of delayed flights. They've agreed to stick it out and see through it. Meanwhile, my sister and brother-in-law and myself entertained ourselves with our favorite pastime - "Distort and Retort".... for details on how to play this fun and exciting game, you would have to watch out for my next entry...

At around 1:03 AM, my wife called again and told me that they are now being ushered to the aircraft and that she'll be turning-off her mobile shortly after our conversation.

OMG, everything is coming back to me like a heart attack. I was powerless to do anything except to concede with her obviously melancholy good-byes and farewells...

After the call, I finally decided that we should start our way back home. Lugging a big emptiness in me, I desperately fought off any urge to express my girly emotions...

It must have been the longest 20 minute drive home....

The ballad of a magical pansy

For the past three days I've been silently lamenting about the repatriation of my family. That day is finally upon me.

It's been ages since I've been all alone. Which leaves me questioning if I could even last a minute without them by my side.

I have become a pathetic excuse for an adult whose sensibilities have been inescapably super-glued to these people. I've never gone a week without my other half, let alone my daughter! I know, I'm an idiot, so go on, give yourself a pat on the head!

Although not quite feeling the effects of this loss at the moment, I'm sure I'll soon breakdown in a degrading bouts of crying fests as soon as they cross that departure hold at the airport.

Everything has become my worst nightmare... You see, I've worked so hard to keep my family together. Only to find out that in the end - I would have to deal with the fact that I will one day be apart from them, for the convenient truth that it actually pays better to seek ones livelihood overseas.

If I only knew that this same bond will be my nemesis, I would've acted accordingly and would've taken precaution not to grow up as a big-uber-eyed pansy...

Why is it that they say "all good things must come to an end"? Why does everything in this world have to be so damn complicated? And why, tell me why... Does everything else look different when you're a parent?

Well of course I know the fucking answers to my own rhetorical questions, twit! I just want to make sense of whatever fucked-up reason that they're there in the first place.

No right answer can ever equal the feeling you get when you lay your head besides the woman you married after going through an entire day arguing about some stupid thing about my groin and a high velocity mobile phone. Or the smile you wear when your daughter runs to your arms to seek comfort from her distressing episode with the "evil-flying-cockroach-from-hell"

I mean, for the longest time I thought that I could control my own destiny... that all my decisions are up to me...

Christ I am so I full of it!