The mathematics of psychology

Remember when you were little and someone asks you, what you would want to be when you grow up and you end up uttering something recycled like… "I wanna be a cop... or a doctor, fireman, nurse, lawyer..."

Well, I bet no one really wanted to be any one of those things at that time except being kids! Maybe its because we didn't know any better then. Maybe, no one really cares at all who or what they would turn out to be. Sometimes I think it would've been better that way.

Have you ever been to a party of an old neighbor and got the biggest news of your life that the old neighborhood idiot whom everyone considered to be a destined drifter-for-life-good-for-nothing-piece-of-kelp turned out to be the most successful individual in your age group?

And then it starts... all the elders including your mom giving you that psycho babble that will haunt you for the rest of your pathetic existence... "My dear, you could have been so much better than him, wasn't he learning-handicapped as I child...? This is what happens to arrogant people, like you... You should've listened to me that time.... blah-blah-blah"

We can only take the back seat as depression, shame, and contempt bitch-slaps you to a pulp!!! You're inescapably wishing that the other guy contracts syphilis or be married to Kris Aquino or some shit like that to basically make him miserable for life!

This is when I decided to make a stand, once and for all! I told myself, I will not stand and do nothing as they sputter their insensitive mongering and uncompassionate statements! I decided to fight back. I decided to conduct a case study that dares to ask the question:

How many screwed up, fucked up losers end up as big time runners?

It’s a valid and righteous inquiry if I may say so myself! I mean, not only because it could be a great parenting aid, but also because it's a handy tool for normal people (like us) to gauge our less endowed peers and colleagues and amorously "remind" them of their rightful place, once and a while. It might even shake the foundation of contemporary child rearing for all we know.

Okay, its settled! Now, let me tell you where I am on this at the moment...

For our purposes, we will be referring to this study as the Post Childhood Anxiety : Nocturnal and Modular Neurosis experiment

...or The PoChA:NMN Experiment....

Details of the experiment are as follows:

Candidate criteria:

• 500 male and 500 female non-handicapped respondents between 25 - 45 years of age.
• 500 male and 500 female non-handicapped kids between 4 - 8 years of age.
• candidates should have no existing medical, and/or psychological known conditions, pre or post study duration.
• candidates should not belong to any minority sex, religious, ethical groups or orientation (as from experience these groups have a rather undefined view on reality, please excuse me for being frank here...)

Method of study:

Personal Interviews, questionnaires, biographical research and verification, statistical analysis and forecast developing.

Highlights/Procedure:

1. Entire study population shall be tagged and categorized to the following groups: losers, semi-losers, non-losers
2. Determine the medical and psychological standings of each population in each group.
3. Derive the standard deviation ratio per group based on predetermined factors.
4. Qualify loser-like tendencies for each test group and track them accordingly.
5. Calculate Mid-range coefficients on the entire population for respondents sharing similar traits, personalities, affinities, location and various other factors.

Conclusion

Supplementing the gathered values to the equation below, we can then solve for the PoChA:NMN rating or the odds of that son-of-dreamer's likelihood to be successful later on in life. Testing for values, I have develop eight conclusions resulting from the experiment. They are as follows:

1) Peculiarism is inversely proportional to the chances of hitting it big later on in life.

2) Personality and character traits play direct role to the psychological and emotional development of each person.

3) Longevity and scholastic achievement contributes directly to promoting anti-loser characteristics and practices. Thus elevating their chances of success later on.

4) The odds of drifting hopelessly in deranged confusion and aggression over ones self worth is directly proportional to the rise and fall of the inflation rate, annual GDP and commercial foreign exchange rates.

5) Flapping your arms and clucking like a chicken to provoke an Indian tribal chief could seriously shorten your expected life span by 30%. While walking in naked and dancing to Britney Spears' Oops I did it again, during a Sunday eucharistic celebration increases your chances of being excommunicated by the catholic church and being sent to the asylum by 60%.

6) Putting this one in because I need to come up with eight entries for this study.

7) I hope my college statistics professor is not reading this crap otherwise he could get a heart attack from my clear lack of self respect to his lectures and dissertation on the different methods of computing for standard deviation of particular samples within a sample.

and finally...

8) That the person reading this, obviously need some psychological help himself if he still continue reading thinking that this is indeed a formal study

Seriously though, we need to understand this universal truth: You can never be someone else except yourself. It really doesn't matter where you come from, or whether you have special considerations growing up - we all come and walk towards the same direction although technically, we may not be walking on the same paths.

Believe it or not, you are inevitably, the captain of your life, and the sole beneficiary of your choices! Forget about putting blame on your past or charging all the lamest excuse you can think of to your issues. I know its tough, but that's life! Call it fate or call it choices. You see, life is a cleverly crafted one-way street where the cars don't have a reverse on the shifter and there is no room to do a U-turn... We can only try to accept and improve what's on our plates now for they are the results of the choices we made earlier.

So cheer up and try to enjoy life, feigning would do too!

If you're still fidgeting and worrying, just wrap your minds with this for a second: If you've tried giving it your best - whatever happens in the end, is really meant to happen......

Makes a lot of sense, huh?