A ravaged youth's consolation

It was never easy for me growing up. You see, I stood before a crossroad, a garden maze of deluded choices and aspirations unknown. Although, all pre-adolescents go through this same tribulation, somehow I could consider mine somewhat inimitable.

For the longest time, I was infused with the notion that I should always be better than my present self. I was brought up in a family where your best is always a laughable excuse to try even harder the next time. It’s never been, “You’ve done well…” or “That’s great… you did it…”

Call me naive, but there is a reason why it’s a known fact that as human beings, we need to feel some sort of satisfaction on whatever it is we embark on. We need to feel that we actually are good for something! That we are a part of something important, that we belong.

Growing up with parents who have overly inflated achievements tucked under their belts, makes what little successes you have seem quintessential or worse yet, comical. Your best is never enough, as long as there is someone else in your age group who’s doing far more superior feat than you.

Crap, I knew then that it’s going to haunt me for the rest of my adult life… Honestly, I thought I was the most tragic basket case that ever lived. I even grew up thinking that I was peculiar, because of the habits formed from constantly overcoming my pretensions.

The sad part of it though is that instead of developing a prime personality, it was the complete opposite. I have become so concerned of the future, that I didn’t mind putting my present circumstances in order. Everything was, “we have to be prepared for the future”; we have to be ready for the “what-ifs and what-next…” At the moment though, it all looks somewhat of a dim-witted principle to live by.

All that unnecessary stress has but given me what really mattered in this world. It has never really brought me anywhere close to my aspirations and goals. Pathetic! We as a society seriously needs to look into what type of personality development practices we resort to at home – something’s need to be outlawed for good!

I guess it’s not too late to change… I’m still young, right?! I can still enjoy whatever is left of my decrepit so called life... You know what, you can too…