The reason is this - I got the most intense, cruelest, lose-your-sensibilities and composure, bitch-slap you back to the stone age bout of tongue ulcers you could ever imagine!!!
It's the worst I got in my entire 28 years of existence. I was in limbo for over 12 frigging Days!!! Getting hit in the head with a baseball bat is nothing compared to this, believe me, I know! I can't talk, can't eat I can't even drink without breaking out in tears of pains, frustration, and hopelessness.
As if to amplify my remorseful state, I still have to attend to my life's regular affairs, so going to work proved to be a hell of an endeavor. At that time, I was to oversee a project that requires constant communication between several parties. Imagine the trauma that it caused me! And the shame that grips you talking on the phones like a lunatic perverted jester on antidepressants.
I had two, yes count them two, adjacent ulcers that formed on the left side of my tongue, right at the edge!!! The diameter of one of the ulcers is approximately 0.8 cm while the other is about 1.3 cm. They converge at a point where the tangent of the sores' union protrude against my lower pre-molar tooth - so even at it's natural position, the damn thing hurts like a cheating bitch on crack!
I tried going online in search of everything from understanding the sonova... to finding a cure. I've searched far and wide - ranging from ayurvedic treatment for mouth ulcers to modern medical approach. Through my search, I came across the only thing on the web which has truly helped me.
The site itself was dedicated to all mouth/tongue ulcer sufferers (like mouth and tongue anonymous). It told of war stories and epic battles of how people are ravaged by this disease. I was amazed by the number of people suffering from this condition. Some, they claim has been living for years without any respite, with 7 to 15 ulcers at a time - leaving doctors and medical professionals scratching their heads (amongst other things...) and staring at empty space.
Being a sensible and a rational fellow, I first tried the scientific approach for treating my condition. Then I tried seeking professional medical help. After that, I tried pouring hours and hours of online, textbooks, surveys and even supernatural practices researching for a treatment. I even tried self-medicating with over-the-counter prescription gels, sprays, antibiotics and mouthwashes. Then finally, I resorted to my barbaric bloodline natural tendencies of tantrum fits, psychotic dramas, and self inflicted mutilation, after every other treatment/methods turned out to be nothing but jack-shit!
Below are the results of my clinical tests with these modern joke-of-a-bitch treatment methods:
(1) Bonjella - Stung like shit upon application. Tastes like stale toothpaste. Gives approximately 10-13 minutes of relief. Relief vanishes upon ingesting anything - including water! Stained my teeth with yellow muck shit!!!!
(2) Anbesol (Adult Strength Gel) - Inflicts a makes-you-ponder-committing-suicide-because-of-the-pain pain when applied. Didn't do jack-shit except sink you to a depressive state for about 5 minutes.
(3) Oraldene mouthwash - Makes you cry like a wimp, emoting and shit. Gave about 30 minutes of relief. Tastes like mint. Made mouth dry thus magnifying succeeding pain bouts.
(4) Baking Soda (Applied Directly) - Creates a makes-you-want-to-throw-anything-you-could-get-your-hands-on kind of pain when administered. Gave 5 minute relief which goes away after gargling water. Didn't do shit!
(5) Alum Powder (Applied Directly) - Did nothing but inflict pain, suffering and anguish! This is a sick joke concocted by psychotic sadists!
I found little consolation with these time tested treatment methods:
(1) Punching a pillow - left your body laden with adrenaline. Felt good after depressive bouts with gel applications. (Note: Try to use plump pillows for maximum effect)
(2) Yelling like a lunatic - Gave satisfaction that other people besides yourself will be affected by your suffering. Increases stamina and endurance combating the succeeding pain bouts.
(3) Crying like a sissy - Launched you to a depressive state. Makes you ponder the point of your pitiful existence. Questions the very reason of your being and self-worth.
(4) Arguing with a taxi cab - Gave you satisfaction and instant ego boost. Also gave you an huge dent on the wallet as the taxi driver drove you around for hours to charge extra!
(5) Shouting at your Managing Director - NOT ADVISABLE! Increases your chances of getting sacked. Gave instant satisfaction and gratification.
(6) Kicking stuff - Gives instant gratification. Creates a brief period of solace and peace. Can leave you limping like Quasimodo if not properly administered. (Note: Do not kick anything that can break apart on impact, like glass vase, ceramic tiles, particle boards, etc)
(7) Strangling yourself until you turn blue - NOT ADVISABLE! Increases the risk of fatality. Gives instant rush! May cause tunnel vision, cramps, shortness of breath, sweating and vertigo if properly administered.
(8) Starting a brawl - Gives instant gratification. Increases the chance of you incurring another mouth or tongue ulcer because of the pressure of the fist applied to the face, mandibular area. Hurts like shit!
(9) Brushing the ulcer(s) to kingdom come - Pain increases dramatically upon application of toothbrush bristles. May increase the diameter and depth of the ulcer(s). HURTS LIKE SHIT!!!
After everything has been said and done - I guess the only thing that I could attribute curing the sore was the old Salt-dissolved-in-water-Gargle trick! This method inflicts hellish pain but gives you relief long enough for you to stand chewing your food to nourish your sorry ass self! Plus, it hastens healing the ulcer by providing gentle antibacterial effect, killing the nasties making a home in your yap hole.
All in all the experience has left me scarred for life. Never again will I look into this world with innocent eyes! I have come to know my own stress limits. I now know the exact extent of my pain tolerance (about 2 - 2.5 gargantuan tongue sores!).
Bullets, chains and knives is now but a tickle bud to me. I've become stronger, bolder, faster, and sissier now that I've experienced hell on earth!!! To all those countless folks suffering from these little buggers, I feel your pain!
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