Sighting hope...

Another week is almost over.

I'm still reeling from the stress and anxiety that started last week.

I almost totally missed out on my deliverables on one of my big projects!

I wanted this project to be my ice breaker; my launch pad, my opportunity to get on to the firm's top brass' radar. So you can just imagine how big of a deal this thing is to me - watching project deliverables impact project milestones in a tightly scheduled deal is not for the faint hearted... Especially if the project would impact operations... And swings to the tune of $ 3.7 Million in possible losses....

It's like being subjected to re-runs of Aga Mulach's 'Oki Doki Dok' day in and day out on your holiday break. It's a hellish nightmare....!

What disgusts me the most is the fact that it's partly due to my own doing.

I was over confident.

I was complacent.

I was a fool.

There comes a time, when managing people meant that you scratch their back, and expect that they scratch yours - but times have changed since then.

I think it's time to seriously re-evaluate my management approach. In fact, I think it's time to show them who's boss. Shift gears. Lick the five's... Bring the noise, dammit...!

Being a newbie doesn't really give you much help. Especially in an organization as big and as prestiguous as this...

I figure, I could extend the 'honeymoon phase' ever-so-slightly, since, I'm still testing much of the water in the firm.

...didn't really felt comfortable working with virtual teams and people whose already in the industry even before I graduated primary school.

But enough is enough - I need to re-organize and center myself, if I want to stay on top of things. If I want to stay in control...

*Big sigh...

Been in a depression since coming down with the flu last week. The pressures at work didn't really give me enough reason not to.

A lot of things comes to my mind. Stuff at work... Stuff at home... Generally everything else that's going on with me right now feels all in shambles... Lost...

I even tried to analyze (well, over-analyze) my decision of coming back home... I really think I should've done more reflection on this particular decision... It's not that I am not happy with my job right now... It's just that, certain factors which are incidental with my present job distorts my life at the moment - like being in a perpetual graveyard shift for instance... That kind of shit can ruin a man, you know...

Looking back with what happened this week, I'd like to sum it up with the words my boss gave me today during our one-on-one meeting....

"don't get yourself too chalked up about any situation, especially if you're hosed down, because then, you really don't have the capacity to evaluate yourself.... Just take a step back; push back if you need to... And never, ever, come up with a decision simply because the situation calls for it... It's always desirable to cover your ass, if you know all the facts and options up front..."

--- classic power suit advise!!!

Just the thing I need to jolt me up and get me moving again... Sei la vie...