Damn thing left me scarred for life....!

Alright... I know It's been a while since I posted. I know you must be itching to know what happened (or not... but what the hell do I care!).

The reason is this - I got the most intense, cruelest, lose-your-sensibilities and composure, bitch-slap you back to the stone age bout of tongue ulcers you could ever imagine!!!

It's the worst I got in my entire 28 years of existence. I was in limbo for over 12 frigging Days!!! Getting hit in the head with a baseball bat is nothing compared to this, believe me, I know! I can't talk, can't eat I can't even drink without breaking out in tears of pains, frustration, and hopelessness.

As if to amplify my remorseful state, I still have to attend to my life's regular affairs, so going to work proved to be a hell of an endeavor. At that time, I was to oversee a project that requires constant communication between several parties. Imagine the trauma that it caused me! And the shame that grips you talking on the phones like a lunatic perverted jester on antidepressants.

I had two, yes count them two, adjacent ulcers that formed on the left side of my tongue, right at the edge!!! The diameter of one of the ulcers is approximately 0.8 cm while the other is about 1.3 cm. They converge at a point where the tangent of the sores' union protrude against my lower pre-molar tooth - so even at it's natural position, the damn thing hurts like a cheating bitch on crack!

I tried going online in search of everything from understanding the sonova... to finding a cure. I've searched far and wide - ranging from ayurvedic treatment for mouth ulcers to modern medical approach. Through my search, I came across the only thing on the web which has truly helped me.

The site itself was dedicated to all mouth/tongue ulcer sufferers (like mouth and tongue anonymous). It told of war stories and epic battles of how people are ravaged by this disease. I was amazed by the number of people suffering from this condition. Some, they claim has been living for years without any respite, with 7 to 15 ulcers at a time - leaving doctors and medical professionals scratching their heads (amongst other things...) and staring at empty space.

Being a sensible and a rational fellow, I first tried the scientific approach for treating my condition. Then I tried seeking professional medical help. After that, I tried pouring hours and hours of online, textbooks, surveys and even supernatural practices researching for a treatment. I even tried self-medicating with over-the-counter prescription gels, sprays, antibiotics and mouthwashes. Then finally, I resorted to my barbaric bloodline natural tendencies of tantrum fits, psychotic dramas, and self inflicted mutilation, after every other treatment/methods turned out to be nothing but jack-shit!

Below are the results of my clinical tests with these modern joke-of-a-bitch treatment methods:

(1) Bonjella - Stung like shit upon application. Tastes like stale toothpaste. Gives approximately 10-13 minutes of relief. Relief vanishes upon ingesting anything - including water! Stained my teeth with yellow muck shit!!!!
(2) Anbesol (Adult Strength Gel) - Inflicts a makes-you-ponder-committing-suicide-because-of-the-pain pain when applied. Didn't do jack-shit except sink you to a depressive state for about 5 minutes.
(3) Oraldene mouthwash - Makes you cry like a wimp, emoting and shit. Gave about 30 minutes of relief. Tastes like mint. Made mouth dry thus magnifying succeeding pain bouts.
(4) Baking Soda (Applied Directly) - Creates a makes-you-want-to-throw-anything-you-could-get-your-hands-on kind of pain when administered. Gave 5 minute relief which goes away after gargling water. Didn't do shit!
(5) Alum Powder (Applied Directly) - Did nothing but inflict pain, suffering and anguish! This is a sick joke concocted by psychotic sadists!

I found little consolation with these time tested treatment methods:

(1) Punching a pillow - left your body laden with adrenaline. Felt good after depressive bouts with gel applications. (Note: Try to use plump pillows for maximum effect)
(2) Yelling like a lunatic - Gave satisfaction that other people besides yourself will be affected by your suffering. Increases stamina and endurance combating the succeeding pain bouts.
(3) Crying like a sissy - Launched you to a depressive state. Makes you ponder the point of your pitiful existence. Questions the very reason of your being and self-worth.
(4) Arguing with a taxi cab - Gave you satisfaction and instant ego boost. Also gave you an huge dent on the wallet as the taxi driver drove you around for hours to charge extra!
(5) Shouting at your Managing Director - NOT ADVISABLE! Increases your chances of getting sacked. Gave instant satisfaction and gratification.
(6) Kicking stuff - Gives instant gratification. Creates a brief period of solace and peace. Can leave you limping like Quasimodo if not properly administered. (Note: Do not kick anything that can break apart on impact, like glass vase, ceramic tiles, particle boards, etc)
(7) Strangling yourself until you turn blue - NOT ADVISABLE! Increases the risk of fatality. Gives instant rush! May cause tunnel vision, cramps, shortness of breath, sweating and vertigo if properly administered.
(8) Starting a brawl - Gives instant gratification. Increases the chance of you incurring another mouth or tongue ulcer because of the pressure of the fist applied to the face, mandibular area. Hurts like shit!
(9) Brushing the ulcer(s) to kingdom come - Pain increases dramatically upon application of toothbrush bristles. May increase the diameter and depth of the ulcer(s). HURTS LIKE SHIT!!!

After everything has been said and done - I guess the only thing that I could attribute curing the sore was the old Salt-dissolved-in-water-Gargle trick! This method inflicts hellish pain but gives you relief long enough for you to stand chewing your food to nourish your sorry ass self! Plus, it hastens healing the ulcer by providing gentle antibacterial effect, killing the nasties making a home in your yap hole.

All in all the experience has left me scarred for life. Never again will I look into this world with innocent eyes! I have come to know my own stress limits. I now know the exact extent of my pain tolerance (about 2 - 2.5 gargantuan tongue sores!).

Bullets, chains and knives is now but a tickle bud to me. I've become stronger, bolder, faster, and sissier now that I've experienced hell on earth!!! To all those countless folks suffering from these little buggers, I feel your pain!

Top Ten Reasons Why I Love My Wife

Here's my list for Top Ten Reasons Why I Love My Wife...

10. She never listens to anything I say, she'll feign listening from time to time but you know she's leading you on...
9. She'll always ask you for something impossible, regardless if you break your neck trying to fulfill them...
8. She never let up being a jealous freak! Even elephant tranquilizers won't take her down when she's on her jealous rampage...
7. She always forgets the "plan". More often than not, it's because of reference to reason number 10.
6. She's invented a new use for the mobile phone - a high velocity crotch-seeking projectile from hell!
5. She always takes the long route to everything. Shopping for groceries will never be fun anymore...
4. She'll never accept a perfectly normal line of reasoning. She always begs logic of comical hearsay from friends...
3. She hates everything I enjoy and despises all my regular pursuits.
2. She never takes me seriously, even if I'm out of the road wielding a cleaver out for a mindless killing spree...

But the most important reason of all is...

1. She has given me, a reason beyond reason itself... affection beyond my wildest imaginings... patience more rugged than the mighty Kalahari... understanding, the breadth of which extends way beyond mortal realms... opened my eyes to the grandeur that is all around me... introduced me to laymen concepts that carries wisdom beyond university halls...

She has, made me want to push myself to my very limits... Given me a challenge that will last me two lifetimes fulfilling... cared for me with the most selfless tending ever in the history of mankind!

She has made me want to live a thousand years just to spend each precious second loving and caring for her!

If I'd ever be granted 3 wishes... it'll be... that (1)I live an immortal life free from any vexations of the hoi-poloi culture, that (2)I retain the realities of my present circumstances, and that (3) I spend my life in eternity with you... my one, my only Leslie!

The tooth will set you free

In today's modern world every boss of every company expects that their employees/subordinates are well adapted to a fast-pace, caffeine dependent, fast food junkie, multi-tasking environment.

This is all because modern technology, and capitalism, has shown us that we can always improve on the various ways to screw ourselves! Constantly challenging the limits that our bodies and minds can take, we we're conditioned that this is how a modern person should be - sleek, savvy, and busy as hell...

According to national surveys around the globe, we will continue to see an upward trend towards stress related diseases and aggravated psychological disorders. A phenomenon not exclusive to any race, country, sex, or religious affiliation.

The reason behind it, if I may be permitted to state, is simply due to our exuberant lifestyles which breeds primarily from our vanity, greed, materialism and disdain. Mind you, they're certainly not our strongest points but don't be a hypocrite and deny that you're a virgin when it comes to these sins.

Complications from our daily routines and activities as we try desperately to adapt to the times brings not only higher efficiency ratios but also higher anxiety and higher cholesterol levels. The modern urban ape-man has to deal with all the bustle throughout the day only to do everything all over again.

It's a disease, to put it mildly. It is also frustrating to know that as you put your hopes and dreams in your career... while taking for granted one essential thing - yourself.

In your pursuit of that illusive success, you are willing to put your very life on the tip scale. You engage on routines, sometimes quite often than not, that puts your physical and mental state in jeopardy. You indulge on unhealthy food sources, letting your bodies primal conditioning run a mock as you slowly dig your own grave.

Do you know that in the ancient times, when men are living in caves and hunts wild game for food, animal fat is a prized commodity! Usually reserved for the leader of the hunting party, the highest prize, the most coveted! There is of course a science behind this bizarre practice.

You see, fat stores stabilized cholesterol and lipid deposits which can be used as a spare source of energy. When the organism fails to get sustenance, say the hunting effort failed a couple of days, the organism can always count on its "reserve" bulk to get by, at least for some time.

So anyway, during those ancient times, when hunting was the main source of sustenance - a successful hunt seldom happens. Humans endure a lot just to bring down a game, that's enough to feed everyone. Thus, it is only logical that the most coveted portion of the kill would be the "wobbly bits".

This hard-wiring is still with us today. This is why, despite numerous attempts to warn us of the ill effects consuming saturated fat, people still flock at the local fast food joint, stake houses or local delis. Or still indulges in a fat-dripping steak or chops! You'll find this habit very much related to how we live today.

A typical urbanite wouldn't have any difference with our ancestors. We go out everyday with our "savage ways" and try to earn our keep... All the time letting ourselves be bombarded with constant danger - stress and anxiety. At the end of the day, who could ever resists nibbling on that super-sized fries and munching on that fat-juicy burger! That's because, the body - hard wired from millions of years of evolution is waiting for its reward after a grueling day "hunting"... So don't smack your heads just yet; it's human nature after all.

Let's try to dissect the facts and try to analyze the obvious. Humans, regardless of what you think of yourselves, are not design to withstand constantly consuming saturated fat laden food groups. If you were, your teeth should resemble that of a binging carnivore! For your information your mouth is composed of 20 Molars, 4 Canine, and 8 incisors - which means, only 37.5% is assigned for meat processing and 62.5% of your teeth is of masticating vegetables.

Looking at these figure I say it's a fairly safe assumption that we should not be putting more than 40% of our diets in animal meat - where, most of the saturated fatty deposits reside. Nowadays of course you could get saturated fat almost in any form, size or composition, just do some extrapolation of the obvious, and hopefully you could figure out what I'm saying.

Try to weigh your meal every time you sit to chow down. If your plate is more than 40% meat (or saturated fat of any form)... don't dig in, resist the urge! Just try to binge on the 60% of the food groups you are "designed" for - fruits, vegetables...

We might not be able to change the way society operates right now. But, having been around over 7 million years... we should exhibit more intelligence than our ancient brethren - we should have figured out the obvious and finally wise up.

The question then becomes... Have you evolved yet after 7 million or so years?

I'm sleep famished!

I've been losing sleep more and more lately... Since my family flew back home, I find out that the only way I could get to sleep for more that 3 hours straight is to sleep around 2-3 AM. But then I'd have to get up around 7 AM for work...

I need at least 6 hours worth of sleep time to function properly - a requirement that's been verified through years of testing and controlled experimentation...

Initially I thought that this is just some phase I'm going through... But lately, I think its ridiculous and its already getting out of hand... I almost fainted the other day; I couldn't hold myself standing in queue...!

I must have tried all the old-wives trick out there! Nothing works! It's like my body has a mind of its own and keeps waking up every 2 hours or so...

I've grown tired of being tired all day! Gotta find cure... soon... :(

A ravaged youth's consolation

It was never easy for me growing up. You see, I stood before a crossroad, a garden maze of deluded choices and aspirations unknown. Although, all pre-adolescents go through this same tribulation, somehow I could consider mine somewhat inimitable.

For the longest time, I was infused with the notion that I should always be better than my present self. I was brought up in a family where your best is always a laughable excuse to try even harder the next time. It’s never been, “You’ve done well…” or “That’s great… you did it…”

Call me naive, but there is a reason why it’s a known fact that as human beings, we need to feel some sort of satisfaction on whatever it is we embark on. We need to feel that we actually are good for something! That we are a part of something important, that we belong.

Growing up with parents who have overly inflated achievements tucked under their belts, makes what little successes you have seem quintessential or worse yet, comical. Your best is never enough, as long as there is someone else in your age group who’s doing far more superior feat than you.

Crap, I knew then that it’s going to haunt me for the rest of my adult life… Honestly, I thought I was the most tragic basket case that ever lived. I even grew up thinking that I was peculiar, because of the habits formed from constantly overcoming my pretensions.

The sad part of it though is that instead of developing a prime personality, it was the complete opposite. I have become so concerned of the future, that I didn’t mind putting my present circumstances in order. Everything was, “we have to be prepared for the future”; we have to be ready for the “what-ifs and what-next…” At the moment though, it all looks somewhat of a dim-witted principle to live by.

All that unnecessary stress has but given me what really mattered in this world. It has never really brought me anywhere close to my aspirations and goals. Pathetic! We as a society seriously needs to look into what type of personality development practices we resort to at home – something’s need to be outlawed for good!

I guess it’s not too late to change… I’m still young, right?! I can still enjoy whatever is left of my decrepit so called life... You know what, you can too…