Aug 12, 2008

Tips to screw your officemates (Tip #1)

Because of the tremendous body of knowledge I've amassed on how to extend the misery, remorse, and loathe you're feeling with the company during the course of my stay with them, I am willing to share them with the rest of the world for the benefit of society.

I'll be writing daily snippets on this subject under the tag "Office Hassle Tips".

So lets start...

Office Hassle Tip Number 1:

The scenario:

As usual, another project is about the hit it's target date... temperature is rising, and all hell is about to break loose when the project leader asks for the final copy of the project charter from you because you've offered your selfless services of proofing and editing it a couple of weeks ago.

The Pay-off:

First, you have to do your fair part on elevating the tension by asking annoying questions like "ooohhh where did you get your hair done" (if its a girl) or "Did you see the game last week? (if its a guy)...

This will probably carry on the conversation providing you with precious delaying minutes.... then at the last minute, tell him/her that you'll just email them the document... then, send the document as a (broken) link through email instead of the usual attach file method. Repeat this procedure all the while engaging them with irrelevant questions as mentioned above...

When finally, the project leader questions your email method, tell her that you're being responsible and you are helping the company put down the cost on data storage by keeping a single copy of the file in the network and not sending each time an independent copy.

Continue sending her broken links and engaging them in irrelevant conversation until he/she burst into flames or get a nervous breakdown... then you simply grab the bottle of vodka you kept chilling on the fridge, pour yourself a glass and have the best time see your leader get grilled by higher ops for the delay...

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