Laying down the rules

Laying down the rules to a child of less than 2 years of age is pretty much a straight forward event.

All you need to do is to stress the operative word and usually, the child gets preconditioned to what you're exactly saying and what the consequences are when they disregard your commands and pursue their course of action.

Laying down the rules to a bunch of technical experts situated half way around the world is well, another matter...

I do believe that professionals, regardless of where they were born, their economic background, or their gender and age, should somehow embody the true essence of professionalism.

Although understandably, the degree may vary from person to person, but the modality and expectations should be constant for all - especially if your talking about highly specialized jobs / line of functions...

Can you picture a neuro-surgeon explaining how to set up an Exchange Server to the anesthesiologist while cracking a patients skull wide open? Not a very encouraging thing to see huh, especially for the patient in question...

Now, tell me - what does one do when putting down rules to people who are: highly technical, highly specialized, halfway across the world, and doesn't want to cooperate?


Do you:

(a) Run away, screaming... "You f*cking lame @$$ b@st@rd!!! I hope you contract syphilis, wither and die!!! "
(b) Bitch like a high school girl on prom night and say: "Whatever, major loser! As if....! "
(c) Say nothing then start a gossip that mister so and so is gay/malversing funds...
(d) Grab the next flight to where they are and give the guy a beat down like how their momma used to do it...
(e) Email their boss and have a grand time subtly identifying points of why the guy deserves the to get sacked!
(f) Send spam emails and viral attachments to the b@sta@rd and hope he'll overload his rig requiring him to do re-install wiping out all his files which is what he really deserve since he's been doing nothing for the company anyway...
(g) solicit the services of a witch doctor and voodoo him to kingdom come....
(h) or send anthrax-laced envelope to the guy with the note --- "Your Salary Adjustment has been approved"

I think I've pretty much exhausted my options... I guess I'm open to your suggestions, care to add one on the list....? =)