Optimism renewed

Enjoying a cup of hot, strong coffee at 7 at night to rouse you up... What's wrong with this picture?

It's amazing to finally catch up to your internal biological alarm clock. For around 11 weeks now I've done nothing but complain to the fact that I am again, stuck on a graveyard shift - probably for the rest of my life with this company...

I murmur insulting cliches to myself, cursing helplessly at the kind of misjudgement that I let myself into by accepting a job offer back here in the Philippines.

I found that pushing the envelope of your career requires more and more of a personal sacrifice now a days...

I didn't really try to fight out the urge to just doze off while at work, while the rest of the brood is scheduling who'll take the office couch for the day. Fortunately, I'm a very peculiar sleeper and can never go to sleep without my trusted pillow or sheets....

Some people at work whose been in the this predicament longer than I've been, still can't control the urge to snatch a quick snooze - the office is literally buzzing with zzzzzz around 3-4 AM. I doubt that I can ever learn the trick of working while sleeping... =)

Anyway, I found that one of the greatest joys in being on a graveyard shift is the fact that I get to catch something which a lot of people only chance upon a couple of times in their lifetime... and that is.... bearing witness to the might Amun ra peep its bright head over the horizon...

My office view of the landscape is restricted by the high rise on the east side, but there is enough room (around 20-50 meters worth) of space wherein you can take a peep at the rising cosmic body at a very pleasurable viewing angle...

I also learned that although I feel sluggish and dry at around 8 AM, that I am as effective (if not, better) at focusing and assimilating information during the 3-5 AM period.

I can't even imagine multi-tasking at the level I am at right now.... facilitating a conference call, while chatting over at Sametime, while composing an email, while taking down meeting minutes, while composing a process flow chart, while sipping coffee, while polishing the scope documentation, while validating the capacity forecast analysis, while reading the news over 3 different websites (CNN, Bloomberg, and ANC), while typing this chat. I'm estimating spending about 1.34 minutes per window, per alt-tab action... a personal best if I'd say so myself.

I know that all I've been doing and writing on this blog are frustrations, rants, and making sure everybody knows the absolute horror that I am experiencing each day, but I couldn't help but notice the growing complacency that I am feeling along with the gut-wrenching paranoia.

Don't get me wrong, I still don't have any kind of control over my daily panic attacks and constant worry episodes; not to mention my sheer anguish over the frustration I am having with the rate I am progressing at my current work, but compared to a lot of folks over here, I'm a bit proud to say that I am catching on (even if it's just to a small degree).

It is my only wish that I can sustain this optimism - at least hold on to it until my 90th day.

My dad always tells me, you should always look for that small thing to be grateful for in everything that you do.... something which would make all the sacrifices worthwhile --- for me, besides my family, I'm settling for that perfect little sun rise everyday as I retreat to the highway for home......