I just got recently got the biggest wake-up call this time around in my professional life...
No longer will I be basing my self-judgement on my previous accomplishments, merits, awards or job position...
Today I realized that although delivering the job is essential - it is no longer enough of a qualifier to say that you've done the job well.
For me, now, it is the process and the manner of how you deliver the requested matter that really counts.
In the not so distant past, I proudly celebrated how I managed to elevate myself, and my professional career to where it is now - on the "egotistical" grounds that I'm simply smarter, stronger, faster, and more ambitious than anyone else in my age group.
I never give any thoughts on the fact that wisdom is not something that comes in a packaged, pre-cooked, just pop it in a microwave oven sort of a deal and you're set for the next challenge sort of stuff...
Thinking back, I felt as if I lost track of the reality that life isn't about who's ahead, but about how you enjoy the ride, and in the process, constantly take notes on opportunities for improving yourself no matter how small it may seem...
Growing up, I recall, that I wasn't always concerned about those things. I was predominantly there for the"thrill" factor... the rush that you get by being the first one to finish the test exam (with flawless scores of course!), or being the first on the honor roll list, or some stupid thing like that....
I desire competition, for the shallow reason that I can later on mock the other fellow once I crossed the finish line first and leave him/her sucking down dirt and fumes...
It's basically an immature aspect in my personality that I've just recently found to be extremely repulsive... Something, that at this point, I am not very much proud of.
I've cut-corners, lied, cheated, and bribed my way if I have to, just to stay ahead of the pack...
In the past, its only about, me coming up on top, or me being the first at this thing and that... pathetic... I know.... but yes, I am, for the most part, guilty as charged...
Having this realization at this point of my professional life is proving to be a big drag... because now, I'm constantly doubting myself, my judgement, my call....
No longer the trigger happy, maveric cowboy, the "know-all-coz-I-am-the-best" kind of an attitude...
I slump back, trying to evaluate and sometimes, re-evaluate every angle in everything that I do now... sometimes, I even find myself struggling with efficiency, simply because now, I take an extra time to come up with a decision...
Is that a bad thing?
In the end though... like what that great saying goes... "Let none but history judge me..."
At least that what it looks like from where I am now...
**Big friggin' sigh!
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