You see, I have, for the most part of my life, grown up with most of my personal expectations (and celebrations) being played down, if at all, shown. Not because I am incompetent or unworthy, but because I carry the weight of guilt from the others who were counting on me to succeed at that time.
It has never been a fight for me. There is always someone else I'm waging it all for.
It is tough growing up thinking that everything you do is constantly being measured, weighed and scrutinized because the outcome of which could have an impact to another person, either directly or indirectly.
I feel as though the blame just digs deeper into you when you fail at something because your failure would translate as theirs.
This sort of, "messiah" syndrome is common for most of us, but a majority of us does have that innate ability to turn it off, should things get a little overwhelming. Unfortunately for me, I am not one of these persons.
I think it's both a curse and a blessing.
It's a curse, because the additional pressure and stress becomes amplified beyond what really is true at that time.
It's a blessing because, together with the problem comes that deep-seated motivation to strive and better yourself, constantly raising the bar as you set to overcome the obstacle. I builds character, I think (*stroke chin...)
For most people, life's challenges were mostly fought for one's own gain, or for personal reasons. This is why most people are quick to celebrate their successes, because they can easily attribute their success as their own. Being a "messiah" syndrome sufferer, it could be a challenge giving yourself the usual pat on the back for a job well done because you can never be straight forward with claiming your success for you own, feeling that the others who were riding on your success have also contributed to it, even though in all reality, they haven't done jack shit!.
What do you think is worst --- ending up in failure or failing to celebrate your own success???
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