I got this overwhelming feeling these past few days. I feel a combination of sorts: lost, confused, perplexed, and complacent (but not in a positive way). I know that this is just another low-point in a series of lulls and valleys that is my life.
As I witness the year’s goings-on, there’s a sense of panic whenever I see missed (sometimes, lost) opportunities whizzing past my line-of-sight. I often fall into deep reflection, wondering a multitude of “what-if” scenarios… filling my “grief cup” to the brim.
These past months have been particularly difficult for me. The feeling of insecurity, coupled with the fact that I am already 31 YO leaves me particularly fickle than I usually am. On my previous post, I ranted about how “unfulfilling” our return to Pinas has been for me – a string of sad stories indeed. Seeing for myself all the reasons and justifications I brought forward for the decision to go home be broken, with one sad story after another, is truly compelling; forcing me to believe that the future might be bleak for me.
I know I’ve said that I would never set unrealistic expectations ever again, but what do you think is happening when even the simplest, “realistic” targets are left unfulfilled? Shockingly, I have no other person to blame but myself.
Sigh! Having that “over-the-hill” feeling at this point in my life is certainly the last thing I’d need!
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